This episode is based on my Psychology Today Blog article “Train Your Brain to Fight For (Not Against) You: “Train Your Brain to Fight For (Not Against) You: How recognizing cognitive distortions can end relationship conflict.” Cognitive distortions are the phenomenon of “hearing what you want to hear” or “reading into” what your relationship partner is saying. These distortions are our mind’s way of reliving Old Scars inorder to bring the emotional pus to a head so that we may finally, once and for all, heal the pain–which means receive the emotional goodies that we didn’t receive in our formative years.
Unfortunately, it never really works that way, and instead it only leads to more misunderstandings and fighting. As you learn to properly interpret your partner’s words and actions, you will be amazed at how much calmer you feel. When your cannons are no longer pointed at your partner, he or she will want to stick around, listen, understand and actually respond to your needs — and you can do the same.