Most of the world is trembling under a deathly fear of contracting the COVID-19 virus.
Given the mandatory and voluntary self-quarantining and social distancing that’s happening worldwide, families are trapped in closed quarters. Result: Fights with those we love most are much more likely to occur.
Fighting drastically lowers immune function, so we need to nip your fights in the bud.
Plus, relationships are like rubber bands. They can only be stretched so far until they snap. And you can’t put a broken rubber band back together!
If you’re feeling afraid, and stir-crazy, and maybe even feeling worried about your income, it’s only natural for your fuse to grow short.
And say and do things that you will regret.
Each day, I have been posting a vital and proven Relationship Rescue tip based on my decades of research on how to head-off and/or resolve the inevitable fights that arise in our intimate relationships.
In case you missed the recent posts, here is a recap of the last week of Relationship Rescue Tips:
Tip 1) 99 percent of fights can be laid to rest when the person who’s upset feels that you have truly listened and understood him/her. Remember:
On the road to fight resolution, listening is the superhighway.
Tip 2) When listening to another person, you can’t just say “uh, huh” or listen silently. You must CONVEY in words that you truly heard and understand the other person.
Tip 3) To convey that you understand what’s upsetting another person RESTATE what he/she is telling you. After you restate what you heard, ask if you got it right? If you didn’t understand well enough, ask the other person to repeat again what’s bugging him/her. And, again, repeat what you heard. Keep doing this until you have fully understood the other’s beef.
Tip 4) Give Emotional Right-of-Way. When another person is upset with you, make sure to listen and keep repeating back what you hear the other person’s beef is. Do this until the other person feels fully heard and understood. Then, and only then, ask if the other is ready to hear what’s troubling you. Two people can’t be heard at the same time. So give Emotional Right-of-Way to head-off/resolve any fight.
Tip 5) When someone is telling you what you said or did to upset him/her, DO NOT respond defensively. Defending, justifying, explaining and turning the tables back on the other person is the opposite of listening and understanding! And, when the other doesn’t feel heard, he or she will become more angry and the fight will escalate. So if you want to prevent a fight, ditch the defensiveness.
Tip 6) Many fights result from misunderstandings. Often we assign a negative interpretation to another person’s actions or words, and the fight is on. From now on, ask yourself, “Is there even a 1% chance that I may be interpreting wrong?” If your answer is yes, ask the other person…Do you mean (insert what you’re thinking here)…or am I reading you wrong? Giving the benefit of the doubt and checking heads off a fight before it flares.
Tip 7) If you want to be heard and understood, you must communicate in a way that’s hearable. That means no matter how upset you are, do not fall into name-calling, attacks, insults, character assassination, etc. It’s on you to speak in a hearable way if you want to be heard.