FAIL #1. Failing to observe Valentine’s Day at all
…because you think it’s become so commercialized, it’s lost all its meaning, and to partake it in would be giving in to “The Man” and allowing your soul to be hijacked by greeting card companies.
Now, to be fair, if you’re someone who would entertain such thoughts, maybe you’re better off NOT doing something special on Valentine’s Day, because you’ll probably also refuse to shave, shower, wear nicer clothes, take off your knit hat, and stop talking about yourself, your band, and everyone else’s “energy.”
The problem is, while your intention may be noble, in principle, you’re letting your politics work against you. In fact, even if she pretends to agree with you, I guarantee you that no matter what she says, deep inside, she wants some romance from you, especially on Valentine’s Day. This is no time to be politically correct. It’s time to be romantically correct.
So, by completely failing V-Day, rather than looking like Mahatma Ghandi, you just end up looking like a self-involved, cheap, hipster knucklehead.
EPIC FAIL !–and your relationship will probably be soon to follow!
But it’s not necessary: If you absolutely must maintain your drum circle cred, today’s marketplace also provides options for you in the form of recycled cards, organic chocolate, and free trade flowers. There IS a way for you to participate, after all, without sacrificing your sincerity or your ideals.
And, if this one describes you, but you’ve decided to get with the program, you should stick around for the rest of these V-Day fails to find out just what you SHOULD do to make the day a success.
The next two FAILS illustrate the two cardinal rules of romantic gift giving and event planning.
FAIL #2. Failing to give according to the Platinum Rule.
Most couples go south–and I don’t mean sexually–because they live by the Golden Rule, or “Do unto others what you would have them do unto you.”
But the Golden Rule gets you into trouble in your relationship.
For example, say you need space when you’re upset, so you figure she does too; when, in fact, she wants your company.
The Platinum Rule says: “Do unto your partner as SHE would have you do unto her.”
In the context of Valentine’s Day, the Platinum Rule FAIL would mean arranging a date doing something that YOU like, such as taking a girl who hates sports to a hockey game, or to YOUR favorite Sports Bar, or even, worse, your favorite strip club.
I’m not kidding. I’ve seen it happen. Men lose their minds and do the stupidest things on Valentine’s Day.
If you can’t think of at least two kinds of gifts or things to do that she would like, then you’re on your way to a major V-Day FAIL and you’d better start doing your research now.
Not giving platinum leads to the next FAIL.
FAIL #3. Failing to give a gift that speaks her “Love Language”
Every woman (and man) has a love language–the way in which they send and receive love messages.
For some it’s actual words; for others it’s actions.
I know a woman who was enraged when her man gave her flowers, which, to her, felt like a hollow ritual. All she wanted was to hear him tell her the words: “I love you.”
For other women, talk is cheap, and actions are worth a thousand words. If you’re not sure which language your partner speaks, that’s your first worst FAIL, and along with Giving Platinum, you need to open your eyes, pay attention, and figure these things out first. All the FAILS that follow are some version of these two principles: Giving Platinum and Knowing Her Love Language.
FAIL #4. Giving a Gift That’s Really for Yourself
Just like you shouldn’t go food shopping when you’re hungry, you shouldn’t let your “little” head steer you when shopping for her Valentine’s present. “He’s” sure to steer you into the doghouse!
Why? ‘Cause he’s likely to buy the crotch-less French maid costume. It’s not hard to “see through” that outfit and gimmick!
If you want to spice things up, don’t be so obvious! Turn up the romance and, as long you’re sincere about it, the rest will follow.
Don’t FAIL V-Day by concentrating on the wrong “V.”
FAIL #5: Falling into “The Same Old Syndrome”
A good example of the Same Old Syndrome is taking her to the same restaurant you used to go to with your ex, or any other emotionally charged place from your “old life.”
Such colossally insensitive moves are not only unfair to her but also unfair to you, because now you’re sitting in an environment that gets you to thinking about the past rather than paying attention to the present and looking forward to the future. Don’t kid yourself. She can see that you’re distracted.
This should be a day that is in the moment, special, and unique to your relationship, so you can create some new memories exclusive to you as a couple.
This also means, if at all possible, not going to the same old place the two of you always go. Don’t let her insist on doing something repetitive and same-old. You both will regret it.
Show her you’re a true romantic, and take the lead and insist on NOT doing the same old things either of you have always done.
Failing to do so is not an epic Fail, but a major missed opportunity for success, one that did not require a lot of effort.
FAIL #6: Failing to Keep Your Mouth Shut
Lots of guys think that they can get away with talking about what ails the relationship on V-Day–after all she’s in a good mood tonight, right? Wrong!
This is the night to keep your mouth shut regarding this topic and a whole host of things, such as your problems at work, how much you bench pressed yesterday, your fantasy football league, and so on– all those subjects that cause you to talk about yourself too much.
For once, shut up and listen, and stop failing to give her the attention she deserves. This is especially true if her love language is action, in which case you should be focusing on SHOWING her how you really feel, as well as letting her express how she feels with her actions. Don’t cramp her style; don’t box her in.
This is a pretty big FAIL, guys. Don’t blow it!
FAIL #7: Forgetting to Treat Each Day Like Valentine’s Day
If you ignore her needs every other day of the year and then suddenly show up with flowers and chocolates, your gifts will end up feeling formulaic rather than truly heartfelt and may end up getting thrown back in your face.
Valentine’s Day shouldn’t be like the Love Olympics. You want to exercise your “love muscle” each and every day of your life.
Your ultimate V-Day Fail is to not see the holiday as your wake-up call to love, honor and cherish her wonderful qualities each and every day of your lives. If you’re not already doing that, and just using V Day as a cover, you’ve already FAILED. This is the worst epic FAIL of all.
But it’s not too late to change, either! Use this Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to get your priorities in order, set your relationship on the right track, and renew your bonds, vows and love for each other. You can achieve all of this by heeding my warnings and following these basic principles–and most of all– and this goes for the ladies too–don’t take yourselves and all of this TOO seriously and place TOO MANY expectations on each other.
Research shows, performance anxiety kills!
So if go out, have some fun, and be in the now. Don’t FAIL to follow your heart, and you should make it through unscathed and all the wiser and happier.
Wishing you all a Happy Valentine’s Day!!