I have a boyfriend that he’s a really nice person with a good heart. He always takes care of me and he’s also one of my good friends. The only problem is that i don’t know how to treat him i mean i love him so much i love our friendship but sometime not all the timei treat him bad i don’t appreciate him i take things on him i always try to breakup with him but i know that i really don’t want to break up with him, i guess i’m just scared, sometimes i feel like his cheating on me for no reason is just my thoughts, why is he so good to me and why i act like that sometimes i think that his doesn’t desert a person like mebut i love him or maybe i don’t know and can’t see that i really want to know, please help me don’t get me wrong i’m also good to him but it’s just my moods sometimes i switchi hope you can understand me.
You are asking me to help you understand why you are driving away someone who is so good to you. You say that you are scared that he cheats on you, and this fear conceals the deeper fear of being abandoned. Since nobody likes to be ‘done to,’ you are resorting to a common defense mechanism that I call ‘dying by your own sword.’Rather than wait for him to dump you, you will end the relationship. This way the ending is on your terms and you don’t have to live with the pain of being dumped. You need to understand why you are bracing for abandonment.Does your unconscious mind knows that this guy is an abandoner? If your answer is no, then you need to look into your own history. If you were abandoned as a kid, then you would be programmed to expect abandonment at every turn. This would explain why you thinking that he’s cheating on you even though you know that he isn’t.Once you realize who abandoned you as a kid, work to separate then and now. Each time you are afraid that he’s going to cheat on you, remind yourself how he differs from the people who hurt you in the past. Bringing yourself back to present reality should help.Also, make a point of not acting on your impulse to break up with him. You can want to break up and keep the feeling to yourself. Keep in mind that if you continue to mistreat and threaten him, your worst fear will come true. Eventually you risk that he will dump you because he’s sick of being accused and mistreated.Last but not least, you can try some EMDR, which helps to free people from early traumas. Let me know how you do.
