It’s very painful to be in your situation. You are literally being pulled in opposite directions. I understand that your parents don’t like your boyfriend and I have to assume that he isn’t an ax murderer or a derelict, which would mean that they have objective reasons to dislike him. So, I will go on the assumption that their reasons for not liking him are based upon your parents’ subjective reaction to this boy.If your parents are like most parents, they want to protect you from harm. Unfortunately the way they are attempting to protect you is by controlling your actions; their excessive control is only making matters worse–it’s not stopping you from seeing the guy (if anything their resistance makes you want him even more) and it’s creating bad feelings all around.To resolve this impasse, everybody needs to take the time to listen and understand each other. Mom and dad need to stop controlling and start communicating their concerns in a more productive way. You will find it easier to hear their concerns if they talk with you rather than shove their commands down your throat.To start the ball rolling, tell them that you know that they are only trying to protect you from harm. Then tell them that you can see that they think that your boyfriend is bad for you. Ask them to explain their concerns. Try not to be defensive. Just hear them out.Next repeat back what you heard them say and ask them if you have understood their position. If they say yes, then ask them if they are ready to hear your thoughts and feelings. If they say yes, then tell them the effect that their attempts to control you are having on you.Don’t get caught in a power struggle regarding what they want you to do and what you don’t want to do. Instead talk about your feelings. How it feels to you to have your parents diss your boyfriend and how their attitude is corroding your connection with them.The focus of the discussion should be on preserving the relationship you have with your parents. Ask them is they are willing to continue trying to control you even at the risk of destroying your relationship with them? Ask them would consider keeping their dislike but not imposing their will on you?Tell them that a necessary part of your growing up is their allowing you to make your own choices and mistakes (including making the mistake of having a boyfriend who they don’t approve of). If your parents still feel the need to control you after the above talk, then you need to go to family therapy.If they refuse, then you will need to get help on your own to assist you in dealing with parents who are so utterly controlling.
