Hi,I’m really looking for some answers right now. Here’s my situation. I’m 17 a junior in High School. I just recently entered a relationship with an 18 year old. He’s out of high school and is in the military.My parents have banned me from ANY contact with him because they don’t think it’s right for us to have a relationship. All I ask is for us to be able to keep in touch. They wont consider it because they think that there is a huge possibility that he will end up making bad decisions about his life and job in the future for me.Isn’t that the case with everyone? and even if he did make a bad decision, will it be my fault? He should be man enough to make his own decisions. I can’t make any for him.My parents are worried about the guy. He’s an adult and worries that I will crush him in the end. All I asked is for a chance at our relationship. It’s a long distance relationship.I hate to lie to my parents. I really do. I wish I didn’t have to, but I feel like I have the right to take this risk.Life’s a risk right? Love is risk. It’s never ‘certain’ or guarantee success. I just want to be able to find out ourselves. My parents ordered complete no contact, and i think it’s unreasonable.I may be wrong. That’s why I need your advice. I really want to be straight with my parents, but I’m supposed to completely lose touch with the best guy i’ve met so far?Plz, this will mean alot to me.
I sympathize with your predicament. Your parents seem to have telepathic powers. How do they know what this guy is going to do with his life and job? It’s as if your parents have a script in their head with the conclusion already written.I wonder if your parents react this way toward all your boyfriends. If so, then we know that their response is not related to this or that guy. Or is this guy your first serious boyfriend and are your parents reacting this way for the first time.If I had to guess, I’d bet that they have been trying to control your actions and choices all your life. The question is why. Were they controlled by their parents and are they parenting you in the only way they know how? Are they controlling you because they are trying to manage their own unbearable anxiety?Anxious people fool themselves into believing that if they control the world around them that disaster won’t strike. Good luck! Most aspects of life can’t be controlled. What’s more, it’s always the things that we don’t brace for that hit us right between the eyes, and the things that we do brace for that never seem to happen.You seem to have the right attitude. Life and love are a risk. After calculating the odds and ‘controlling’ the variables that you can control, then all you can do is roll the dice and take a shot. You hardly sound foolish or reckless to me, and if this man seems like a good bet to you, then I am sure that your instincts are on the money.Why don’t you have another talk with your parents and see if you can get them talking about the feelings behind their edict. Don’t focus on the issue that has got you deadlocked (whether you can or can’t have contact with your guy) and simply get them talking about the feelings that have led them to take this position.Get them talking about what they are afraid of. Get them talking about how much they love you and want to protect you from harm. Get them talking about how attempts to control are really a way of avoiding anxious feelings.Stay on the level of feelings and you should be able to move past your impasse. The key is to get them to see that you are a separate being and that you need to be given the room to make your own life choices and bear the consequences of those choices–that ‘s growing up.Tell them that you know that they love you and want the best for you, but stiffling you isn’t what’s best for you. In the end, they can’t stop you from having contact. Hopefully thy will not force you to defy their rule.