My husband wants to have a threesome with me. Last weekend we spent the night at a hotel together and while I was sleeping, he hired a male escort. I woke up to him and this guy standing there. I bolted to the bathroom and my husband sent the guy away.This is the second time he’s done this in 10 mths. I’m interested but it seems it has become a large priority to my husband. I’m still not sure.What should I do? And why is it so important to him?
Your husband is out-of-control. He is going into action instead of talking the matter over with you. What’s more, his going into action is violating your boundaries. He has no right to bring a man into your bedroom without your consent.Your husband needs to stop acting on his urges and start telling you the thoughts, feelings, and fantasies that are tied up with his wish for a threesome. God only knows what’s on his mind and why this is so important to him.We don’t know if he wants the thrill of seeing that another man desires you. We don’t know if his own level of sexual excitement is dwindling and he needs to spice things up. We don’t know if he is looking to boost his self-esteem by seeing that he has chosen a woman that other men desire. We don’t know if he wants to bring a man into the equation in order to ‘safely’ explore his homosexual urges.The fact that he wants to bring in a man and not a woman has meaning to his unconscious mind. He needs to find out what the meaning of his wish is.Before you even consider acting on his desire, I can’t say it strongly enough: you need to fully understand the unconscious meaning of his desire for a threesome. You also need to assess the risks of acting on this desire.For example, what if you have more pleasure with the other man? How will your relationship be affected? What if he discovers that he has more pleasure with a man than with a woman?My point is, acting such desires out is very risky. The relationship could easily dissolve as a result.You also need to examine your role in this business. Are you considering giving in to his wish even though you don’t want to? Do you allow your husband to override your wishes in other areas as well? Are you inclined to ignore your own needs or disregard your own wishes in order to please him? If so, you have to do some self-work; and you you may need to do marriage counseling as well.So, tell him to stop acting on his urge and to start talking. When you fully understand the ins and outs (no pun intended) of his wish, then you both can decide how to proceed.If you feel inclined to give in to him when you don’t truly want to, then you need to begin individual and marital therapy right away.
