I met a nice guy 20 years ago while studying in Europe and while on vacation with my husband two years ago I thought of the friendship we had and so looked him up and had a nice conversation.Since then we have kept in touch via email and occasional phone calls. We have become close friends and confidants, but never anything more. And we never write about our intimate lives. It has come to the point where we correspond daily — it has become a routine and a habit for us both and we share stories, viewpoints, write about books and movies, politics, religion, our children, sometimes just random thoughts.I never hid from my husband the fact that I kept in touch with this friend. However I didn’t tell him it was a daily correspondence. He now feels completely threatened and disgusted and wants an end to this friendship. I felt obligated to relay this to my friend who doesn’t understand but respects this decision.I am miserable. I am in my early 40’s. I have a happy marriage, a good career, great kids, a busy life and my husband and I are athletic, attractive individuals. I am absolutely not looking for anything ‘more’.What is your opinion? I don’t want to betray my husband, nor hurt him, but he couldn’t possibly understand that I have enjoyed having this person in my life and the quality of my relationship with my husband doesn’t change one way or another.
Your husband is obviously threatened by your friendship with this man.Have you told him what you said to me; that this friendship in no way changes the quality of your relationship with your husband. That you are happy with him and that you never wanted anyone but your husband.If he could talk about his feelings, perhaps you will discover that he is upset by the fact that he didn’t know that you were talking to this man on a daily basis. Because he didn’t know, he may feel that you were sneaking behind his back. This may lead him to think that you were having an affair of sorts behind his back.If you can get to the bottom of why he is so hurt, you may be able to resolve the matter and help him to feel comfortable enough with your continuing the friendship. I hope that your discussions produce this outcome, since the friendship is obviously meaningful to you.
