Dr. Jamie TurndorfI have been with my boyfriend for nearly three years and we are getting on fine. We always fool around but we would only have sex propably the most twice a month and we enjoy it very much each time.However, one day just after we had sex he said to me ‘we should not have sex anymore’. And he’s explainnation for this is because we should be more mature and there are more important things in the relationship rather than sex.I am very fine with his explainnation but i would like to know is it normal for a guy to say such a thing? And when they say it do they mean it or there are hidden meanings behind it?
I am not clear on why you say you are ‘fine’ with his explanation for why he doesn’t want intercourse (because we should be more mature and there are more important things in a relationship). Are you saying that you are comfortable with his wish to not have intercourse any longer?I don’t think that you mean that you are fine–meaning comfortable–with his explanation. If you were comfortable with his explanation, you wouldn’t be second guessing his words and searching for hidden meanings. You wouldn’t be wondering if there is a hidden meaning behind his words unless you sensed this to be so. I can’t tell you what’s inside his head. Only he can. And, you would be wise to ask him.You would also be wise to explore what you yourself think is behind his statement. Do you worry that he is only saying this to please you, because he senses that you are fine with infrequent or nonexistent intercourse. Are you worried that he is sitting on his natural desires (hence your question is it normal for a man to say what he said) in order to satisfy your lack of desire for intercourse? Are you worried that he is gay or an intimacy phobic? Are you worried that his wish to avoid intercourse and his views that intercourse is an immature act are both signs that he is suffering from a sexual inhibition?You need to first identify your concerns, then pose them to him in the form of questions. You need to make sure that he is truly speaking his own truth, and not parroting what he believes to be yours. If he is truly comfortable with the infrequent (or nonexistent) intercourse and so are you, and you are sure that you both have fully examined the issue and left no psychological stones unturned, then so be it. I have a feeling, however, there is more to this story than meets the eye.It isn’t normal for a man or woman to believe that intercourse is an immature act. I am sure that someone taught him to look down on the sex act and think that it is immature and unimportant. This isn’t a healthy attitude, and certainly this attitude would interfere if he chose to form a relationship with another woman who wanted regular intercourse. However, it isn’t my role to say that he needs to change his outlook on the subject.If his views don’t pose a problem to your relationship, then you both fit, and that ‘s that. If it works for you both, then consider yourselves lucky to have found each other.