Me and my ex split up because he already had 2 kids, he had full custody of them since they were 1yr & 2yrs old and when I met him, the kids were 6 & 7, He did not want any more. We were together 3 years. but he still did not want any more kids. So I walked out, because I knew that I wanted to have children one day.3 years later, I met and married this man, but I did not love him like I loved my ex. but, I knew that I would never be with my ex-. , because he never wanted anymore kids. So I got married, knowing how I still felt. I love my husband very much, but I do not love him like I did with my ex. (I had totallly different feelings with my ex. )Should I have waited untill I was over my feeling for the ex. because it has been almost 12 years now. I still have those same feelings when I bump into him. Now he is still single, but the kids are 18 years old. Now he would like to see me, but I am married now with 2 little girls, a 1 year old and a 4 year old.I am happy with my husband, but I wish I had those strong feelings with my husband instead of my ex. Could the saying be right You meet the love of your life, that makes you tingle all over when you think about him, but you do not get on the same boat at the same time. So life goes on, but you still carry those feeling with you to your grave.Is that a bad thing, to still have that strong a feeling for your ex. I thought that those feelings would eventualy go away, but they have not.
I think that there is more to this story than what meets the eye. You speak of sparks flying with your ex. and I know that you think that the sparks are caused by true love. I am going to shock you when I say that there is another explanation for the intensity that you feel.Let me explain. When we meet people, our unconscious mind makes rapid fire comparisons with the people who we loved during our formative years (our parents). When we meet someone who emotionally resembles the parents who let us down or didn’t meet our needs, we feel instant connection. Bells, tingling, whistles, and all kinds of excitement are triggered because the unconscious part of our mind sees the hope to obtain what we didn’t get as children.I call this hope for the ‘happy ending. ‘ Unfortunately, because the person we’re ‘ga ga’ over is emotionally similar to the parent who let us down, we don’t get any better treatment than we did as kids. But, we don’t give up, we don’t let go, because we don’t want to give up the hope to heal our wounds. So we keep hanging in there, trying to be better and more giving, hoping that we will finally be rewarded with the love we yearned for as kids.Even though you gave your ex. up, your intense attachment to him says that you are still holding on to hope, which tells me that you have an unhealed wound. What could your wound be?The clue lies in the fact that you remain more attached to a man who won’t give to you than the man who will. Why would you be mad about a man who won’t give to you?If I am right, you yearned after a parent who didn’t give you what you wanted. I sense that your yearning is related to your father. All little girls dream of getting rid of mom and marrying dad and having his child. If all goes well, the girl soon realizes that dad isn’t going to leave mom and she then decides to marry a guy like dad and live happily ever after. But happily ever rarely happens.If, for example, your dad was too distant and unloving, you would find it hard to let go and move on. Instead, you would find yourself looking for an ungiving man like your father who you can try to win over. The wish to finally get what you always yearned for from dad would cause you to remain attached to your ex. , because you’re still attached to the hope of getting your empty well filled.I guarantee you that as you face and work through these deeper issues that you will find that your attachment to your ex. gradually fades. You will no longer be looking for bells and whistles and you will feel much more satisfied in the connection with your husband.This healing is vital, since you can’t fully love your husband while your heart is still attached to the man who embodies your unresolved struggle from your childhood.
