Before you can change a pattern, you need to understand why it exists. It sounds to me as though you jump in with both feet and push so hard because you are desperate to connect with another person. The flip side of this desperate need is the terror of losing that connection, which explains why you feel so insecure.You need to figure out the origin of the need and terror? You are going to discover that the answer lies in your childhood experiences. Your next step is to figure out the exact nature of the wound you suffered as a child. If I had to guess I would say that were starved of love (hence your great hunger for connection).To make matters worse, whatever warmth you were given was not consistent or was taken away at a whim (hence your insecurity). Once you are clear on the nature of your wound, you should talk about your feelings with a therapist.Working through these feelings is the path to freeing yourself from the pattern you are caught in. The work will be painful, but keep in mind the saying, ‘no pain, no gain.’ Once you heal the hurting child inside yourself, you will be free to love in a healthy, not desperate way.