I’m a 25 year old educated male. My girlfriend is a gorgeous 22 year old. We are madly in love and know that we will be spending the remainder of our lives together.
We are generally very happy with our lives and our relationship. We compliment each other in every way.
We have been together for 19 months. Initially her sex drive was very high and there was much experimentation and exploration of each others sexuality. She can generally orgasm within a few short minutes and she can sometimes orgasm 10 times during a 20 minute love making session.
As time went on and the novelties of the relationship wore off (ending of honeymoon period) we became aware of what specifically will turn the other on and we stuck to the same sexual ‘routine’ for the next 10-12 month stage of our relationship.
The last 6 months her desire for sex progressively declined- yet our romance and love maintained its strong position. We would have had sex maybe 6 times in the last 2 months. Half of those 2 months were spent on holidays have a wonderful time and being connected.
She is clearly unhappy about this, we have discussed strategies to overcome this but they don’t seem to work and the same ‘justification’ kept coming up… This justification was often to do with time hasn’t been right etc etc. both of us know that this is a simple excuse.
She has never been into self masturbation. She takes the OCP. She also does not exhibit signs of normal menstruation. Her body experiences the natural menstrual cycle, both hormonally and psychologically but does not bleed. She has had this assessed by a team of Obstetrician/Gynaecologists and they explained that she is a lucky few people that have this presentation. Her fertility is unaffected.
She doesn’t take any other medications. Uses small amounts of marijUana weekly. She experiments with other drugs infrequently.
She has never had such a significant loss of sexual desire. She has been sexually ‘normal’ in her previous relationships. I have asked if her loss of desire has anything to do with dissatisfaction with our sex ‘style’ and she denies this idea. We have a trusting and loving relationship so I wouldn’t suspect she be telling me lies pertaining to a potential dissatisfaction with me.
What could this be? How best might I approach this?
I believe I have the answer to your mystery.
You mentioned that your girl’s sex drive abruptly stopped. I am betting that it’s the birth control pill that’s affecting her. I bet she wasn’t on the pill when you began your relationship. If you’re like many couples, once you became exclusive, you tossed the condoms in favor of the birth control pills.
Think about what the pill does. It creates an unnatural hormonal state by stopping ovulation. Ovulation is linked to desire. Ovulation is linked to the biological urge to have sex in order to get pregnant. Her body isn’t receiving the right signals.
Read the insert that accompanies the oral contraceptives. It says the pill can cause side effects that include weight gain, breast tenderness, nausea, dizziness and…loss of libido.
Thirty percent of American women suffer from a diminished sex drive, and some experts (as well as non-experts) will tell you that the pill is often to blame. Studies have linked oral contraceptive use to decreased levels of androgens — the class of hormones, including testosterone, thought to drive both male and female sexuality. Birth control pills also alter a woman’s natural estradiol fluctuations (the group of hormones that includes estrogen), which many ob-gyns consider the main source of female libido. When you’re on the pill, your hormonal balance changes — and consequently, your desire for sex might change, too.
I would have her stop the pill and use a barrier method like the diaphram.
I’m banking on the fact that she will be raring to go once those synthetic hormones are sent packing.
