I am a 30 yr old woman and have been dating this wonderful man for 4 weeks now. It started off very intensly – almost every evening and weekend spent together.However it was not all sexual at all.Now he is pulling away and wanting to slow down when he is the one whom iniated much of the pace of things (meeting his family, inviting himself to stay over, etc).I have fallen for him and just this last week we had the ‘talk’about slowing things down. He has still com over twice and just talked and spent time with me, but will not stay or sleep with me. Is this a good or a bad thing? What is my next move. I don’t want to lose him.
Your love life isn’t a chess game. We can plan out all sorts of moves, all of which will have only a temporary effect on improving the situation.I say this because your guy is in terrible conflict about becoming close. Part of him wants to be really close. He latched on to you very fast. However, the other part of himself was scared to become close, so he held back sexually. He is actually so fearful of becoming close to another person that he is pulling back entirely.See my Archives, in which I have published quite a few articles about fear of intimacy.Meanwhile, what can you do? You can pull back and seem disinterested. Then, he’ll chase you. But as soon as you warm up, he’ll be heading for the hills again. So brace yourself for a major seesaw ride. The only other thing you can do is talk to him and get him to own his terror. You could say, I think you aren’t sure whether you want to be near or far from me. Tell him that you’d like him to discuss his mixed feelings, and see if he takes the bait.If he won’t own his problem and talk about it, there isn’t too much hope here. If he is willing to talk, and not act out by pulling away when he gets scared, you have a fighting chance.