I am in a new relationship–at least I think I am. I know that men don’t like to be asked whether or not the relationship is in fact a relationship so I’ve avoided the ‘Are we boyfriend/girlfriend?’ and the ‘What are we?’questions.I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way about a guy before and even though he lives an hour and a half away I am willing to make it work, as is he. He’s smart and handsome and everything I’ve looked for, he calls often and has said he’s not a talker but never seems to have trouble holding a conversation with me, I have loved –LOVED every moment we’ve spent together and I want it to continue but I don’t want to push/rush things.I want things between us to flow naturally but it’s been a few weeks and I wonder if it’s going that way or not. I wonder what he tells his friends where he lives that I’m his girlfriend. I’m not sure what to tell my friends so I usually say we’re seeing each other. Is that okay to do, or should I demand we define ourselves? We hold hands in public and everything, I just wonder if it’s okay to ask what we’re about.Thanks for your help.
You’ve only been with this man for a couple of weeks! It’s time to take a chill pill. Seriously, your anxiety over not knowing where you stand could cause you to back him into a corner and bring about your worst nightmare–you actually do scare him off.The first thing that you need to do is understand more about the cause of your anxiety. Your fear is called signal anxiety and this type of anxiety arises when the psyche thinks that the self is in danger. To discharge the anxiety, your mind is prompting you to take action. In this case, you feel the urge to get him to tell you where you stand.Rather than take action, you need to figure out what your mind perceives the danger to be. Are you afraid to fall for someone who doesn’t like you back? If so, then your real fear is the fear of being rejected or unloved.Once you understand the nature of your fear, the intensity of the anxiety should diminish. Next, you need to resist the urge to get him to put a label on the nature of your liaison. Sit with your anxiety and just let the relationship evolve.Enjoy him and the time you spend together and see where the relationship goes. It sounds like he likes you just fine.
