The guy I have been seeing for the last 3 months has turned into a lying, lazy, irresponsible, alcoholic, drug abuser. He cheated on me within a month of us starting to see each other. The breakup lasted a week and I took him back because I still loved him.Now I’m feeling frustrated, lonely, insecure, by his actions and it is affecting my life. I’ve tried to break up with him but something always brings me back.How can I stop this roller coaster. I can’t move and I know he won’t and we live in a very small town.
Before you can stop the roller coaster, you need to take a crash course on relationships and the unconscious mind. The unconscious part of the mind is responsible for 95 percent of the choices we make, including the partners we select.The unconscious mind is expert at identifying a potential partner’s qualities even before you consciously do. This explains why a woman will find herself falling for one abuser (or other unsuitable type) after another.This selection doesn’t happen by accident; the unconscious is choosing the same type of unsuitable person for a reason. That reason is called the repetition compulsion, which refers to a universal wish to choose a life partner whose character is a carbon copy of the parent that let you down.We get locked in this repetition partly because we humans like to stay with familiar people and situations and partly because we are hoping to heal the wound we suffered with our parent. So, we choose a carbon copy of the person who let us down as kids, and in no time we are feeling the same hurt and anger we felt when we were young.Your unconscious mind has you exactly where it wants you so that you can work for a happy ending to your old wounds. This explains why you can’t leave the person who is harming you and/or why you keep coming back for more. Hope springs eternal and you are thinking that maybe this time you will succeed in winning the battle and getting your happy ending.If you were abused as a kid, and you are hooked on an abuser, the unconscious mind’s fantasy is that if you are good and kind and patient that you will manage to transform your abusive partner into the loving parent that you always wanted and voila your childhood wound will be healed. As you can see, the unconscious mind’s plan to heal our early wounds through the relationship with a life partner rarely works out, precisely because the life partners we choose are as damaged as our parent were, meaning that they can’t give us any more or any better treatment than our parents could.So now you know why you chose this loser and why you don’t want to give him up. Now what?Go into therapy and work through the pain, hurt, and angry feelings that are attached to your early wounds. Then you will be ready to choose a different type of life partner, one who can give you the happy ending that you deserve.
