I have recently gotten engaged to get married. I am pregnant by this guy as well. I wanted to ask your opinion on something.He got devorced over a year ago and had 2 kids with his ex-wife. He calls the kids every night to tell them good night. (She has custody of them.) But when he calls the kids he will only talk to the kids a few minutes; they are very young. And then he will talk to his ex-wife for about 20 minutes almost everynight.He says that is the only way he can keep in touch with his kids. Do you think that is right, or do you think he might still have feelings for her. I feel like he does, why else would he have a desire to talk to her and tell her details about his life. It’s none of her buisness. They are Divorced.Do you think it would be wrong of me to complain about that. I think I should let him know how I feel. I also have an ex that I had a child with and I don’t sit there and talk to my son’s father everynight. Thank you for your time.
I think you need to focus on talking to each other rather than squashing his phone calls. If you complain at your fiance and ream him a new you know what, he will only feel resentful of you. Your original issue won’t be solved, and you will have a new problem on your hands: his resentment of you.So, don’t try to stop or change his behavior. Go for discussion and mututal understanding. Ask him the questions that you asked me. ‘Why does he feel the need to talk at length with his ex.? Does he still have feelings for her that he isn’t admitting?’You might want to point out that during his talks he goes into detail about his own life. Ask him if he knows why he tells his ex. personal information about himself. You will also want to explore with him why he feels the need to tell his ex. personal things about himself. Ask him how he thinks this will help his children?He may tell you that he feels that if he is friendly with his ex. and she is favorably disposed toward him that things will go better for him and the children (she won’t undermine his connection to kids, etc. . )Also ask if he knows how he feels about his ex. It sounds like your guy is a very loving person who knows how to care and remain attached to others. He loved his ex. once and adores his children. He is devoted and faithful, which will make him a wonderful husband to you. Your big question is will his attachment to his former family take away from his connection to you?You will need to honestly share your thoughts and feelings on the subject. I have the sense that are mostly threatened by the fact that he talks with his ex. about himself. The fact that he retains a tie with his ex. , even a friendship, is wonderful for his children. Seeing that their parents still care for each other is a healthy message for them.However, if his friendship makes you feel on the outside or second-classed, then it is not healthy for you and your relationship. You need to ask yourself if you can tolerate his level of connection to her, because nothing that you say or do will change this. And, as I said above, if you try to break up their tie, he will resent you for it.In essence, the thing you love about him, his capacity to attach and be devoted to you, is also the aspect of him that concerns you–he is still attached to his ex. and his children.So you need to determine if you can feel comfortable with him. You might also want to explore with him if there is any way that he can make you feel first while he maintains his connection to them?By all means resolve this issue before you marry, because you both could end up in a major war that could rupture your relationship if you don’t.Let me know how you make out.
