Dear Dr Love:My boyfriend wants me to do everything in his way. If I do my way, even if the result is exacly what he wants, he get upset because I don’t follow his instruction. We are running business together. When things are going well, he takes all credit. When not so well, he puts me all responsibility saying it is because I am not listening to him. He even told me that our relationship is not working because’I have brain. ‘ I am ready to end this relationship, but I would like to keep business relationship with him. How can I do that? Is there any good idea?
Beneath your boyfriend ‘s need for control and need to be correct is a very insecure person. If he thinks that you have a brain or know anything, he feels like nothing. We are dealing with a very fragile person. You say you want to keep a business relationship with him? My first thought was, why? He will continue to treat you in the same way, even after you divorce. Are you prepared for that? If you are decided to maintain business ties, then you will need to make a major shift in your thinking.First, you will need to stop taking his put-downs personally. Realize that his offensive behaviors are unconscious attempts to pull his self-esteem up from the dirt. Next, you then need to handle him in the following way. Instead of arguing and debating (which threatens his ego) you must agree with him ( build him up with remarks like, yes, I see your point. Excellent idea. If you build him up, then he won’t need to tear you down in order to build himself up).Another way to build his ego (and stop his put-downs) is to ask his advice (What do you think? What do you suggest?). Doing this will make him feel more important, less challenged. When his ego feels less challenged, he won’t feel the need to build his self back up with all the operations you mentioned (control, needing to be right, etc. ). Good luck. This won’t be easy for you. Remember. Don’t take his fragile ego and low self-esteem (and the tactics he uses to build himself up) personally and you should be all right.
