When i was 12 years old i was raped by my sisters husband. since then my sister has passed away and left behind 2 children who i take care of.her husband is now in a relationship with another woman and i am considering asking him to marry me from the feelings i still have from when he raped me.i need to know what to do and if this is normal please respond.thank you
There is no such thing as normal feelings. Feelings are irrational,often crazy, and they fluctuate as often as the wind. You don’t want topass judgment on your feelings, but you do want to understand them.Then, using your intellect, you can decide when and if it is wise toact on your feelings.My first question to you is, have you talked toanyone about the rape? Do you know how you feel about the experience?How did you feel about this man before the rape, during the incident,and after?When we speak of rape, we are talking about an act ofviolence in which one person forces sex on an unwilling partner. Sinceyou say you have feelings about him since the rape, I am wondering whatyou mean exactly?Are you saying that you enjoyed the sexual encounterand developed feelings for this man? Did you consent to having sex withhim? Did he force himself on you, and did you experience pleasure inspite of your unwillingness?Keep in mind that many women who have beenforced to have sex report having felt sexual pleasure. This confusesthe victim and makes her feel as though the assault was her fault. Manywomen even come to think that if they felt pleasure during the rapethat they actually did something to encourage the attack.Realize thatthe body is wired to experience pleasure, and it doesn’t care whetherthe sex is forced or not. In other words, it is common for the body torespond favorably even when you are being forced to have sex. I amwondering if this is what happened to you.I suspect that since you hadpleasure with this man, you became confused, and actually came tobelieve that you liked or loved him since your first pleasurable sexualexperience was with him.I think you need to enter therapy and sortyour feelings out. You need to understand why you feel that you lovethis man. And, most of all, you need to understand why you love a manwho violated and overpowered you.There is much to learn aboutyourself, your thoughts and feelings. Don’t make any decisionsregarding marriage until you learn more about yourself.