When i was 12 years old i was raped by my sisters husband. since then my sister has passed away and left behind 2 children who i take care of.her husband is now in a relationship with another woman and i am considering asking him to marry me from the feelings i still have from when he raped me.i need to know what to do and if this is normal please respond.thank you
There is no such thing as normal feelings. Feelings are irrational, often crazy, and they fluctuate as often as the wind. You don’t want to pass judgment on your feelings, but you do want to understand them. Then, using your intellect, you can decide when and if it is wise to act on your feelings.My first question to you is, have you talked to anyone about the rape? Do you know how you feel about the experience? How did you feel about this man before the rape, during the incident, and after?When we speak of rape, we are talking about an act of violence in which one person forces sex on an unwilling partner. Since you say you have feelings about him since the rape, I am wondering what you mean exactly?Are you saying that you enjoyed the sexual encounter and developed feelings for this man? Did you consent to having sex with him? Did he force himself on you, and did you experience pleasure in spite of your unwillingness?Keep in mind that many women who have been forced to have sex report having felt sexual pleasure. This confuses the victim and makes her feel as though the assault was her fault. Many women even come to think that if they felt pleasure during the rape that they actually did something to encourage the attack.Realize that the body is wired to experience pleasure, and it doesn’t care whether the sex is forced or not. In other words, it is common for the body to respond favorably even when you are being forced to have sex. I am wondering if this is what happened to you.I suspect that since you had pleasure with this man, you became confused, and actually came to believe that you liked or loved him since your first pleasurable sexual experience was with him.I think you need to enter therapy and sort your feelings out. You need to understand why you feel that you love this man. And, most of all, you need to understand why you love a man who violated and overpowered you.There is much to learn about yourself, your thoughts and feelings. Don’t make any decisions regarding marriage until you learn more about yourself.
