Okay here goes nothing, me and my boyfriend found out i was pregnant in july and i had an abortion in sept. i really didnt want to but he did so i did it for him, id do anyting for him!After that i became really depressed and stayed in all the time didnt wanna go anywhere. . . so i stayed in all the time, my boyfriend really was never there i felt like i went through this alone. But as the months past i developed an anxiety disorder cause i developed panic attacks so i was scared to go places, my boyfriend didnt understand he thought i was ashamed of him, which was so not true.So he wanted me to go to some ball with him this past week or two but i just couldnt go so he took another girl, i flipped out and said I didnt wanna be with him anymore, but i didnt mean it, now we are argueing everyday he says he needs time alone he just wants to do whatever and not have anyone to answer too. he says he loves me but why is he hurting me so, he wont open up to me or nothing?I am afraid he wont come back to me or even be there for me, he was my world i was with him for 4 1/2 yrs now i feel like i have nothing. If he loves me why aint he there for me. I am just so confused i don’t know what to do i want to be with him but he isnt sure, it just hurts so bad!Please help what should i do?
All your problems began when you had the abortion in order to keep your partner happy.Clearly you didn’t want to do this; and anger is the natural feeling that arises when a person goes against his true feelings. The feelings of anger remained buried beyond your awareness and resurfaced in the form of anxiety and panic attacks (a common result of buried anger).From this point on, the relationship went downhill. He took your refusal to go out personally (thinking you were ashamed of him), he took a lover, and the rest is your sad history.I am not at all sure that you are going to be able to save this relationship, since there is so much water under the bridge. But, you can save yourself and make sure that this type of mess never happens again.First of all, you need to become aware that you are a people pleaser. When you violate your own inner truths in order to please your partner, you do a slow burn. You don’t become aware of your anger and then psychological symptoms (anxiety and panic) are the natural result.If you want to free yourself from the panic, you are going to need to revolutionize how you relate to significant others. You are going to need to learn how to be honest with yourself and never make sacrifices that go against your grain.You will feel less angry when you start to live this way, and your anxiety will fade. I wish I could say that this will save your current relationship. Telling him about your discoveries may help.However, what’s most important now is understanding how you got into the bind you are in and healing yourself so that this never happens again. If you lose the relationship, that will be sad. Try to be kind to yourself and understand that this likely lost relationship was part of your journey and necessary for your personal growth.I wish you a speedy recovery.