Dear Dr. Love,I resently fell in love with a man over the internet, my feelings for him are very strong I’m in love and I feel wonderful. He feels the same way about me that I do him and we want to meet each other but I don’t know what to do if I don’t meet him I will hate myself for ever, however what if I meet him and he turns out to be a murder or somthing? Ijust don’t know what to do, and I don’t have any where else to turn. Please Please Please Help Me Thank You for taking the time to read my letter.
Many people are asking this same question. In fact I discussed how relationships are being affected by the internet and email in this month’s edition of’Yahoo Internet Life Magazine.’ That article is on the stands now and you would enjoy reading it, I’m sure.Now, back to your question. If you were contemplating dating someone that you had’met’ through a personal ad in a magazine or newspaper, I am sure you would voice the same concerns that you mentioned above–what if he’s a maniac or a murderer?What you are talking about is the same concern that we all face when starting a new relationship. What if the person is damaged or dangerous? Will I get hurt?Knowing how risky this process is, I designed a test, called the Ready For Love? test, which helps you find out, before you become involved, whether the person you are contemplating dating has fatal relationship flaws. Fatal flaws include impulsive behavior, reckless driving, excessive spending, abuse of drugs or alcohol, a tendency to violence, irresponsibility, and so much more. Do yourself a favor and take the test. It will put your mind at ease.Whenever you are meeting someone that is a stranger, you need to take precautions. Before meeting each other in person, you want to ask all kinds of questions about his/ her family background, previous relationships, friends, work history.When you ask these questions, you are looking for disturbing trends or patterns. For example, if a person says that more than one of his previous relationships ended badly, and there is a trend to the endings. He or she was thrown out, arrested, etc., you need to worry. You need to also be concerned if your prospective date takes no responsibility for the reason why past relationships didn’t work out.Regarding work history, you want to see that the person is stable and not a drifter that can’t hold down a job.Regarding friends, you want to see that he or she has friends and is able to sustain those relationships over time.And, regarding family history, you want to beware of the person that comes from a dysfunctional background in which sexual, physicial drug or alcoholic abuse was present.And, you want to listen for clues that the fatal relationship flaws I mentioned above are not present.And, finally, until you are 100% sure that this person is all right, do not meet in person, do not give out your phone number or address.If and when you feel that it is all right to meet, you can arrange to meet in a public place, and make sure that you come in your own car, so that you aren’t dependent on the other person for a ride home.Good luck with this man. I am sure that you will be fine.P.S. Let me know how the meeting goes.