My current love was attentive, caring & acted like he wanted to spend time with me for the first six weeks. Lately, he doesnt ask me out in advance, or when he does ask me out, he cancels, but doesnt even bother to call and let me know he cancels.He still calls me all the time and emails me several times a day. He says he cares about me and respects me, but doesnt show it. He says I need to be more understanding & flexible because he is a single father with responsibilities. He says he shouldnt have to let me know when he is not going to show up, because I should just ‘understand’.He says I am high maintenance and demanding. Am I? He says he needs to distance himself because I am a threat to his control. Or is he just really commitment shy? Is he a keeper??? I really love him, have for years, and I don’t want to give up on him this early in the relationship, but I am tired of crying and being hurt. How should I handle this?Please help.I told him we should just go back to being friends, and at first he didnt want to, but now he has agreed. He used to call me everyday. SInce I broke it off, nothing for 5 days. I still want to keep him as a friend. Again, how do I handle this?
The most important thing that you need to obtain from my answer is that you doubt your feelings. I think you know deep-down that this man is not treating you properly, and when you ask me to tell you whether you are too high maintenance and demanding, you do not stay in touch with your truth, which makes it easy for him to pass the buck back to you.So, for a moment, let’s talk about what you know in your heart to be true: He is not treating you properly. When he tells you that he shouldn’t have to tell you when he doesn’t intend to show up, what exactly is going on here?First of all, this man is clueing us in to the fact that he operates at the most infantile level possible. Young babies and children live in a state of merger with their mothers, and they believe that mommy can read their minds and know whatever thoughts and feelings are inside them. Can you see that this man operates at this same level when he expect you know to know, through telepathy, that he can’t keep his appointment with you?On a related note, he says that he is afraid to give up his control. This is another clue that his identify is still very immature and undeveloped. He doesn’t have a firm sense of self, hence the prospect of forming a relationship with another person is threatening. A person with an undeveloped self fears that the other person will wash his very being overboard, leaving him lost and out of control.Bottom line, this guy is very disturbed and not relationship ready. If you want to be friends, fine. What I want you to take away from this answer is that you doubt your instincts. And, this makes you a target who will be reminded by others that you are unentitled to your feelings.It would be good for you to do some therapy now to find out why you are so willing to doubt your truth. If you don’t resolve this issue, you will be drawn to another man who pulls the same number on you. That is, telling you that your feelings are wrong, and before you know it you will be back to where you were with this recent boyfriend.Once you entitle yourself to hold on to your truth, your next boyfriend will be less inclined to run a number on you.Good luck.
