Hi, I’ve looked at several of the questions put forth here and haven’t seen one addressing the problem I have. . .For most of my life I had a stuttering problem (age 12-23). Up until it went away, I had pretty much given up on trying to find anyone to love because nobody would go out with me. (I tried many times) Up until then, I would day-dream of being someone else, anyone else just as long as they could talk good.After it went away, I tried to ask girls out on dates but in the beginning I made a lot of mistakes. I didn’t know that its better to approach as a friend and gain some of her confidence instead of blurting out something like ‘do you want to go out or something?’Now, I notice something else. It seems to me that a lot of girls don’t like nice guys because somehow being nice is a sign of weakness or something. I’ve seen girls go out with guys that they knew were jerks and then they are surprised that they get treated like garbage! I don’t like to play games, but why do people do that? And why do people hurt each other?I have thought of changing how I am, it seems like one may get more out of life by going through it being shallow instead of being nice. Its just that this is a major conflict for me because it doesn’t make sense to me. It has been my experience that there aren’t too many nice people out there.So far, I’ve met two girls that I really liked a lot but they had to move away due to career/education reasons. I also feel that I’m still learning social skills that I should have learned a long time ago and this also makes me sad. Other guys my age already know just what to say and do when on a date, but I’m still stumbling. I’ve noticed that some girls pick up on this and get turned off. I feel like making mistakes is the only way I’ll learn, but it gets depressing after a while.My friends are all married and have children, but I’m not even close. Is there a better way to learn social skills without the embarrasment? I feel really sad and sometimes start thinking again about wishing to be someone else, anyone else, as long as they are normal. . . ‘wish to be normal’
There is no such thing as normal.We are individuals with flaws of one kind or another. Some flaws are more visible than others, some are physical, some emotional, but we all have them. Your flaw is very visible and it has caused you to hang back socially–the result being that you are socially behind.I think that you are fine the way you are. Stutter and all. And, if you can believe it others will feel that way too. The fact that you have found girls that don’t accept you may have more to do with the fact that you don’t feel all right about yourself.Oftentimes, we draw people into our lives who mirror the way we feel about ourselves. If we feel that we deserve a girl that appreciates our nice qualities, then that ‘s what we are more likely to find. If, however, we feel like an undesirable, then we may draw women who don’t find us attractive.I assure you that when you feel at peace with yourself, your stutter and your nice guyness, you will find a girl that feels the same way about you.I have seen ugly or even disabled people hooked up with very attractive partners.The answer: They feel ok inside and draw a person that feels the same way about them.So, change your attitude. Do affirmations every morning. Relax and then tell yourself: I am socially desirable. I have found a girl that appreciates me for who and what I am. And, as for social skills. Ask lots of questions and show interest. That’s the most appealing social skill of all!