I’m in a relationship right now, and I’m very happy w/ my partner. Honestly I’ve never been happier in all my life. I found happiness w/ him. We plan on getting married next year, and we try to live together because our room is beside each other.Is there a chance of changing our treatment to each other right now as soon as we get married? Is there also a chance the marriage would be successful?Thanks a lot.
If you are asking me this question it’s because you know on some unconscious level that your relationship will change after marriage. Rather than dismiss your concerns, take them very seriously and ask yourself what exactly you think is going to change. When you identify what this is, then openly discuss it with your partner and get a head start on resolving the issues that you already know will arise.It’s important that you know that it is very common for problems to erupt about six months after a couple marries. The problems are often the result of what is called ‘transference.’ In simple terms, transference is an unconscious process in which the mind transfers onto our partners all the feelings that we felt for our parents.Here’s an example of transference in action. Let’s say you had a father who neglected you. Your unconscious will tend to transfer the feelings you had for your dad onto your partner. If you felt hurt and angry at your dad, you will soon feel the same way toward your spouse.If your spouse comes home late and doesn’t call, your reaction to your spouse’s behavior will be tainted by your early experiences with your father; this means that you will automatically assume that your spouse is trying to avoid you and doesn’t want to be with you, and voila you will feel hurt and angry toward your spouse, and you will accuse your spouse of neglecting you. The accusations will anger your spouse and will make him/her more likely to want to avoid you, which will only fuel more of the same reactions in you and a vicious cycle will be born.I’ve given you one hypothetical scenario. The possibilities are endless. What you need to do is to figure out what your scenario is likely to be. To do this identify the exact nature of your early wounds and have your fiance do the same. Identify who did you wrong and how you felt about this treatment.Most importantly, figure out how you wanted to be treated by your parents. This is the way you want to encourage your partner to treat you and vice versa. Being conscious is key to your marital success.I will soon be adding a Psychological Check-Up to my online consultations. This Check-Up will help you identify the exact nature of your early wounds and then give you step by step suggestions on how to heal them.Healing your early wounds is the greatest insurance against falling into the deadly traps that most couples fall into. Let me know how you do.
