I have been planning on moving in with my boyfriend for over a year now. We’re a few months away from it and I found out today that his parents vote no on me moving in. They don’t hate me or anything but their logic is he’s paid for his house and everything he owns alone for the past 3 years so he doesn’t need my help. Nothing about us living together is a matter of financial desperation. Yes there will be financial benefits for both of us but that is just a perk. I enjoy his company and we both want the same things out of life and have discussed them at length. I’m also over at his house so much it just makes sense. Will then not fully supporting our decision harm our relationship? Is it possible they could convince him to postpone moving? He’s very close with his parents which I find extremely attractive but sometimes they tend to be a bit overbearing and I don’t want him caught in the middle either. I know I’m probably overthinking this and in the end it’s our life’s but any advice would be helpful.
What an intelligent question. It’s wise that you are thinking ahead to what might happen if you go against his parents.
His parents sound very mercenary. They don’t seem to see beyond dollars and cents. I can’t imagine how limited their relationship is! They clearly can’t understand that you want to be together because you enjoy each other. Not because you want to be roommates who live together to defray the bills.
I had the thought that they were worried that if you broke up, you would force him to sell the house and divide the proceeds.
Have you asked your boyfriend how he feels about going against his parents’ wishes? The real issue is with him.
If he is dependent on his parents’ approval, then he needs to work on himself and separate psychologically. If he is separated from them emotionally, then there will be no fallout to worry about.
If he still seeks their approval, then you have a much bigger issue than moving in together. If this is true, he will always be seeking their approval and they will always be driving a wedge in your relationship.
I would ask him how he feels about their dictating to him. How would he feel if he makes a choice that goes against their wishes.
You get the idea.
If he admits that it’s a problem for him to not follow their wishes, then I would encourage him to do some therapy asap.
Let me know how this all plays out. I’m rooting for you.