Dear Dr. Love,My wife and I have been married for three years, and we dated for two. Before we got married, sex was wonderful. We were like two bunnies. But after we moved in together, things started to change. She began complaining of a painful burning sensation in her vagina whenever we made love. At first, we thought she might be allergic to latex condoms and KY jelly. So we switched to natural non-lubricated condoms. That did not help either. We made love less and less frequently as time went by.I love her very much, and I wish to do anything I can to make things better between us. Sex in a relationship is very important to me, but especially to her. She got so upset we weren’t making love, that she divorced me and ran off with another guy. She’s back with me now. She realized she made a mistake leaving me, and we’re trying to work things out.Of course, I am oversimplifying this story. There are many other issues involved, which I don’t have time or space to write about. I’ve spent nights watching TV or playing on the computer instead of holding her in bed. She demands constant attention, and has a very low tolerance for imperfection. We even resorted to physical violence during arguments.We’ve been to a psychologist to work out the violence problem, and we haven’t hit each other since then. But we never got around to discussing what we feel is the root of our problems: our inability to make love. Can you help?
I hear how much pain and suffering you both have been through.I believe I know what may be wrong with your wife. And, I will help you understand all the factors that may be causing the burning sensation.First of all, I am going to assume that she saw a gynecologist and was told that her vagina checks out. And, I am also going to assume that she had the same problem with the boyfriend that she slept with (and that’s why she came back to you).If I am wrong, and, in fact, intercourse only burns with you, then we may be dealing with a psychosomatic symptom. A psychosomatic symptom occurs when an emotion is expressed in the body. For example, a person who is angry with someone and doesn’t know it, may develop a physical symptom, like a pain in the butt. When a psychosomatic symptom occurs, it symbolically expresses the emotion that isn’t recognized. Along this line of reasoning, a burning sensation in the vagina could be a symptom that she is burning mad.But, your wife seems to know that she is angry. In fact, anger is being acted out all over the place in this relationship (you said that intense fighting and physical violence has occurred).Psychosomatic symptoms can also occur around feelings that are in a person’s awareness. In such cases, the strong feeling actually spills over into the body. When a person is inflamed with rage, and finds herself suffering physical sensations that mirror her emotional state–in this case, your wife’s vagina feels inflamed, we have to be open to the possibility that her emotions may be spilling over onto her body.But, I don’t want to be too quick to assume that her physical problem is merely a psychosomatic expression of emotional turmoil. In fact, we could look at this problem from the exact opposite angle. In other words, she could be utterly enraged because she can’t have intercourse.So, let’s take a moment to examine what physical conditions could be causing her symptom. She may have an allergy to your sperm. I highly doubt this, since using condoms didn’t stop the burning. It is always possible that she is allergic to your sperm and to rubber, in which case eliminating the condoms would only have solved half the problem. If she is a very allergic person (she has food allergies, chemical allergies, environmental allergies) then my above theory, that more than one allergy may be causing her burning, could be possible.There are other conditions that can cause her symptom. One such condition is called Interstitial Cystitis. This condition causes an inflammation of the urethra (the tube that excretes urine from the body). Since the urethra is close to the vagina, if it is irritated then the vagina will sting and burn during intercourse. Of course, a person with this condition would also exhibit ‘bladder’ problems (stinging on urination, frequent urination, etc.) You didn’t mention these symptoms, but I had to mention this just in case.The next possible causes of her symptom, are not be known to most traditional MDs. One such possibility is that her burning is caused by allergies to food, airborne substances, and even environmental chemicals. It is not widely known, but allergic reactions can occur in any part of the body. Brain allergies cause headaches, pancreas allergies can cause blood sugar reactions, and, I have also seen cases in which the vagina or urethra have been attacked by allergic reactions.Your wife may also be suffering from systemic candidiasis. This is an overgrowth of the yeast organism that lives inside all of us. Overgrowth can occur from stress, overuse of antibiotics, use of birth control pills, hormone imbalances, during pregnancy and even from silver mercury fillings. I mention this condition because urethral symptoms and painful intercourse often occur with it. Read,’The Yeast Connection’ by William G. Crook, M.D. to find out more on this.I have said a lot here. If I were you, I would find an MD that specializes in what’s called Clinical Ecology. This type of specialist can evaluate her for allergies and candida.At the same time that you are investigating her physical conditions, you will still need to keep in mind that her emotional state (being enraged) will throw her body chemistry off, so that she will be more prone to developing allergies and candida. So, as you can see, you will need to address this problem on all fronts (including the marital front) in order to heal the problem.Please keep me posted on your progress.
