My problem is as follows:I am in a wonderful relationship and he is everything I ever dreamed of, but the relationship never started on the basis of attraction. He is attracted to women with physical attributes which I will never have and although he tries not to let it show he often masturbates to pictures of such women on the net. Each time we see a tall brunette in the street or else where I get really jealous of how he looks at them. The worst of it is if I ask him whether he thinks they are prettier than me he says ‘yes’ because he can’t lie. I feel like I would have felt less insecure about all this if he was really attracted to me to begin with, but as it is I am miserable.Every other aspect of our relationship is unbelievably perfect. What can I do to get rid of this problem? I know I am attractive to other men – I’m just not his type – but the relationship is too good for me to trade it for something else because of this. Do men ever change their mind about what attracts them? Is there anything I can do to stop being jealous? Please help.
How terribly painful for you to be married to someone that you know isn’t attracted to your physical type.We need to explore this issue from two angles. One, why your husband rubs his lack of attraction in your face; and two, why you find yourself married to a man that makes you feel undesirable.My first thought was a question. If your husband isn’t attracted to your type, why did he marry you? I wonder if he has some secret pleasure in hurting you?; It almost feels like he’s rubbing your nose in ‘it.’When he tells you that the woman on the street is prettier than you, you seem to think that he is right to be honest with you. Where did you get that idea? I always tell clients, you are only to be honest, if the honesty is helpful to the other person and the relationship. How does his honesty help you and the marriage? It seems to me that it actually drives a wedge between you. And, in order for a marriage to thrive, the connection must always be reaffirmed, not torn down. In other words, throwing this truth in your face is damaging all around. He should be telling you why he loves you (referring to things that he does like about you, your smile, personality, etc.).And, now for the second point. Why did you marry someone who reminds you that you aren’t attractive to him? I can bet that someone made you feel inadequate as a kid. And, I think that your husband’s lack of attraction to your physical type keeps you stuck in the familiar pain of not feeling good enough.But, you weren’t supposed to be made to feel inadequate as a kid, and you shouldn’t be made to feel inadequate by your husband! For the sake of your self-esteem, and for the sake of the marital bond, I would tell him that you only want to know what he likes about you (what attracts him to you) and that you no longer wish to be unfavorably compared with other women.You don’t deserve this treatment. And, he should not be speaking to you in this way. All the best to you, you beautiful readhead (or blond).
