I have been seeing my b-friend for about 2 years now and the relationship has been up and down. But now it seems good, howeverI have found recently that I am not getting wet at all even though he is touching my clit or giving me oral sex. . . before I used to be very wet. . . why am I not getting wet now?
I think that your inadequate lubrication is being caused by worry. When you are stressed out or worried your body releases chemicals that are incompatible with sexual arousal, and this includes vaginal lubrication.I know your relationship seems good now, but notice the word you chose–seems. What you are telling me is that while it seems good, you have enough experience with this guy to know that what’s good doesn’t last and that the relationship always goes down again.I sense that you are braced for the next down time, and this would mean that you probably aren’t allowing yourself to fully let go with him. If you let go, you risk feeling more hurt when your relationship goes down the tubes again. If you hold back, you won’t suffer as much when the poop hits the fan next time around.What you need is to get off the relationship rollercoaster ride. When you feel safer to connect to him, you will be able to let go and your body will begin to do what it’s supposed to do.To get off the rollercoaster, you need to understand why you’re on it. Start from the premise that no pattern exists unless it’s meeting both of your needs. Now let’s find out what needs the up and down ride may be meeting.Do you go up and down because you don’t know how to resolve conflicts? (This would meet your need to stay with familiar patterns, no matter how ineffective they are). Do you mistreat each other when you’re angry and does this lead to resentment and down times? (This pattern would meet the need to stay with the familiar as well as provide the short-term gratification of getting your rocks off on each other. )Do you store grudges and then pull away from each other periodically? (This pattern may also meet the need of staying with the familiar as well as many other needs that you would have to identify. ) Do you use the down times as a way of taking space from each other because you don’t how to take space in a healthy and loving way? (This pattern would also reflect the need to stay with the familiar, no mattern how ineffective it is. )As you can see, your dryness is just a symptom of the larger relationship problem. Resolve that and you’ll be fine.
