I have a great concern for my wife. She has Bipolar and now it is worse than ever. Well I will start out like this she was diagnosed 6 years ago. And she quit taking her meds two months later.We have been married for 3 yrs now and have two children. She finally came to me with her problem 3 months ago. Because i was going to leave her from the mood swings she had. after she told me she had Bipolar I decided to stay with her and help her though it because i Love her very much.So she went to see a Dr. and told him everything and he put her on Zoloft and depakote. she seemed to be doing better with her mood swings but now she would sleep all day and neglect the children, by not taking care of them until she felt like getting out of bed. She was still mean to me all he time. But she would be nice alot too. This went on for a couple of weeks. Then i had to go out of town for a couple of weeks to visit some family. when i was gone a friend of mine came to our house and was telling her some lies like I was cheating on her while I was gone. So she called me the next day and was crazy on the phone. I tried to tell her none of it was true. this went on for A week or two.i finally got home. We were fighting pretty bad and she told about a guy and had been sleeping with for a week while I was gone. She does not seem like the person who would do this to me, she was so perfect before. And come to find out she also slept With my friend that same night he was telling her all those lies. i could not believe my ears.She told me she still loves me. And my main question was why did you do It. She looked at me and said she has no clue why she did this. Is it because she quit taking her meds.Then last week we got into a big fight and she was going nuts in the house. she said she wanted to take a drive to think about some stuff so I let her. She did not come back for 7 hrs. i knew she went to go and visit this other couple we are friends with. Come to find out She and then Male friend(John) went to a bar and was putting some stuff in her head like he has always had a thing for her and that he loved her more than his own wife.Well when she got home early that morning I started accusing her of sleeping with him and she said she didn’t’ I believed her at first but the truth come out when i found poof in our truck. When i confronted her about it she went nuts and started saying really mean and hurtful things to me. And then she said that she did it.I went crazy. What was going on with my wife. . I know she loves me and is crazy about me. But why is she cheating now. I mean i would never believe she would sleep with John. She has always hated him before this even happened. What should i Think?Is this really a side affect of Bipolar. I Know she loves me and she still wants to be with me but is it her or is it the bipolar.
Your question to me was could your wife’s behavior be caused by her stopping her meds?’ The answer is yes; people with uncontrolled bipolar disorder often behave in outrageous ways. The real issue here isn’t your wife and whether she’s taking her meds or not.The issue is you. You tolerate behavior that is completely out of bounds. She cheated on you with your supposed friend John and another man as well and she also verbally abuses you by saying mean and hurtful things.Your wife seems to think that she’s allowed to behave however she wishes. Where did she get such an idea? Simple. You tolerate her garbage, which tells her that she can keep behaving the way she does. In other words, without realizing it, you are helping her to stay sick.I suspect that tolerate this mistreatment because you are no stranger to abuse. Either you witnessed your parents abusing each other, which would have programmed you to think that it’s’normal’ to be abused by a spouse; or you were yourself abused as a child, in which case you would think that you are supposed to be mistreated.Here’s a wake up call for you. You aren’t being treated properly and it doesn’t matter what the reason is. Your wife’s self neglect has become your self torture. If you don’t put your foot down and put an end to her misbehavior, she is never going to get well and you are never going to get a life.Let’s digress for moment and let me tell you that no pattern continues unless it meets the needs of both partners. I have the impression that your wife obtains gratification from staying ill. Not taking her meds gives her permission to go out control. When she acts crazy, she releases the rage that burns inside her. The release of this pent up rage gives her pleasure.Acting like a crazy woman feels too good to give up. She will only pull herself together if when she is no longer given permission by you to gratify herself through crazy behavior. This means that you will need to put your foot down with her and tell her that you aren’t willing to invest in someone who won’t invest in herself. So long as she takes her medication and behaves the way she is supposed to, you will stick by her to the end of time; however, you will not reward her misbehavior any longer.Understand that adult love relationships are and must be conditional. If a marriage is to survive, spouses must observe what I call basic ‘marital laws,’ Violations include: degrading language, name calling, put-downs, physical abuse of the spouse or children; sexual abuses (spousal rape, sexual abuse of the children); infidelity (unless both partners have agreed to an open marriage); alcoholism/drug abuse; irresponsible spending or gambling that endangers the welfare of the family or impinges on spousal needs; refusal to discuss and arrive at agreements regarding parental practices; refusal to work (job or housework) and equitably support the family; systematic refusal to consider spouse’s feelings and to be responsive to them.If you get nothing else from this letter, understand that you are going to need to resolve whatever blocks you from putting your foot down with her. List all your resistances to taking a stand and take steps to resolve them. She won’t be healed until you heal yourself.
