Dr. Turndorf, I have recently started dating a new man. When we became intimate one night in the shower he started to pee on me. . . I freaked out and told him to stop and it was unacceptable.Since then I can’t stop thinking about it and wonder why would any man want to do that to his woman? I think it’s gross and I want to move past this but having trouble letting it go.What makes a man want to do that and why?What Do You Think
I understand your bewilderment. One minute you’re taking a shower with a new lover and the next minute you’re a peon!As Freud said, many a truth is said in jest, and my attempt at humor expresses the naked truth of what went on. When this man urinated on you, he engaged in an outrageous act of aggression against you. His behavior was a violation, not unlike a rape.I assume that this relationship has gone down the drain, where it belongs. As for your not being able to let the incident go, we need to understand a bit more about this.Sometimes we can’t let go of an incident because we have been traumatized by it. Our minds then keep replaying the event in an attempt to work through the feeling.You may also be finding it difficult to move on because you may feel troubled by the fact that he caught you off guard. That you had no clue that this guy was disturbed, may cause you to doubt your ability to judge people.Think back over your courtship and see if the man gave off signs that he hated women. If you come to realize that he did, in fact, send out clues that you overlooked, you then need to study why you turned your ‘radar’ off.There are many reasons why you may have looked the other way. The most common reason is hunger–that is, hunger for a relationship. If it’s true that hunger blinded you, be aware of your tendency to put blinders on and in the future make sure to keep your radar operating at full tilt.