My boyfriend of just over 5 months went away for a few days not that long ago, he had a bit to drink and rung me one night to say he wanted to hear my voice and he also told me he loved me and I told him that i loved him also, but however he didn’t remember saying it when i asked him about it. . .this happened once more about a week ago. This time we discussed it and he said he doesn’t know what love is and he doesn’t know if he is at that stage yet. He also said that he wouldnt normally say it unless he meant it.He is 24 and i need advice what he actually means, please help.
What he means is that he is scared to death to allow himself to become too close to you. When he drinks and his defenses are lowered, he says what is in his heart. When he is sober and the defenses are shored up, he resumes his fearful position.These comments about not knowing what love is yet another manifestation of the same problem–his fear of becoming too close. Now you understand him. You are going to need to decide what you are going to do. His problem isn’t likely to improve over time.He does say that he isn’t at that stage yet, which implies that he thinks that time is going to change how he feels. If you feel patient you can give him some time, but if he still has cold feet after time passes, then you will be in a better position to pass the buck back to him and encourage him to figure out why he’s so afraid of admitting that he loves you.Fear of intimacy conceals deeper fears of being smothered, rejected, abandoned, and so on. He will eventually need to trace his fear back to its origins in childhood and work to resolve the problem at its source.Good luck and don’t wait too long.
