My ex-boyfriend keeps calling me off and on, very infrequently and he always want to have phone sex? I was with him for 11 years and he left me in 98 and still keeps calling me and calling. I still have feelings for him and can’t seem to get over him.I want to get over him and move on with my life!!!!
In order to move on you need to understand why you’re so stuck on a man who gives you crumbs. I think you are accustomed to not getting very much from your parents. If this is true, then you are programmed to expect nothing out of relationships.The reason that you hang on and won’t let go is because you keep hoping that he will change.Read my articles on repetition compulsion and unfinished business and you will see that we humans recreate painful relationships childhood relationships. If dad or mom didn’t give you attention, then you will choose a lover or spouse who treats you in the same way.The hope is that this time around you will succeed in being loved like you weren’t before. So you hang in there, try to be kind, giving, loving, and jump through hoops, hoping that this time it will work out. But it never does because your lover is as limited and incapable of giving any more or better than your parent did. But, you still can’t let go or move on because then you would have to give up the hope of ever getting your happy ending.But there is hope. Not with your ex., or with any other person who is like your parent. Your hope comes first in therapy where you can develop a relationship with someone who gives you the love and understanding that you needed as a child. This therapeutic relationship becomes the springboard for a real life relationship in which your needs are met not frustrated.So start therapy and you will find it easy to let go and move on.
