My man gets very irritated with me when I look through his wallet. I think it is rather normal for me to take a look at what is in his wallet every 5 days or so.I have done this with every guy I have dated for some period of time. We have been dating for over a year now, and are currently living together, and also engaged. Am I wrong to be looking in his wallet?
While you may think that it is ‘normal’ to examine the contents of your man’s wallet, the bottom line is that he feels invaded by the act.The fact that every other boyfriend accepted this behavior, has no bearing on the conflict with your current boyfriend. You aren’t living with your other boyfriends, you are living with this man; and he isn’t comfortable with the behavior, which means that if you want a relationship with him you must be sensitive to his feelings.Keep in mind that every person has boundaries around his or her self. These boundaries include the person’s need for space, privacy, and so on. Your man is feeling that you are invading his personal boundaries, so you need to respect his feelings.Rather than focusing on whether you should or shouldn’t snoop in his wallet, it would be much more fruitful for you and the relationship if you focus instead on understanding the meaning of your behavior.Every behavior is motivated by thoughts and feelings that are oftentimes outside an individual’s conscious awareness. Are you aware of the thoughts and feelings that cause you to feel the need to go through his personal space? Do some soul searching and find out what your thoughts and feelings are on this subject.Are you snooping because you don’t trust him? Are you afraid that he is keeping secrets? Are you afraid that he is cheating? What is it that you are looking for? What are you expecting to find? What are you afraid to find?When you find out the answer to these questions, then you will know why you are snooping. The next step is to deal with your issues and concerns in a more direct, less relationship-destructive way. Instead of invading his personal space, deal directly with him. If he is saying or doing something that makes you doubt him, then tell him so and deal with the issues head-on.As long as you continue to snoop, and he continues to be angry at you over your inappropriate behavior, you are focusing away from the real issue: That you don’t you trust him.The fact that you have engaged in this behavior in all your previous relationships leads me to wonder whether your lack of trust indicates that you are dealing with some unfinished business from your first family. Did someone cheat and lie to you when you were young? Did your parent or parents cheat and lie to each other?If I am correct about your history, then you would be inclined to choose partners who would be untrustworthy. This would explain your mistrust of each of your previous boyfriends, and it would also explain why you felt the need to snoop on each of them. It will be hard to keep the relationship going if he continues to resent you for violating his boundaries.So, have the courage to face this issue head-on. Find out how mistrust fits with your history. Find out what he is doing or saying that fuels your mistrust and take the bull by the horns instead.
