Maybe you can give me insight as to how I might deal with my lover’s need to go to strip clubs and private erotic shows. He writes a column in his magazine, reviewing them. I don’t mind the clubs, but I do mind, VERY MUCH, the private erotic shows since there is participation.My feelings have been made clear to him on this subject. I did not know that there was consentual touching at these shows and up until this last year was ignorant of that fact. When I found out, I got physically ill (nauseous and depressed beyond any measure I have ever felt).I know that my feelings are more than just health related, I realize that I am fearful of a number of things, including the fact that I may not be desirable to him and therefore his reasons for going (to feed this need for better, prettier, younger women) (I realize this is an insecure fear of mine).However, I know that I am extremely desirable to him. His explanation is that it is a *Man* thing. I don’t believe it. My question is, do I have an option?. Must I accept this way of life as standard for a man?In every other aspect of our relationship we have an excellent one. We have been friends for years before we started dating.However, we live in separate continents. I have to be careful how I respond to these fears to him, because I have to understand that we don’t see each other on a regular basis and I should be more understanding of his physical needs.He insists that he goes to these shows purely as a spectator and I trust that he does. I just still have the fears and the nausea every time I know that one of these shows is coming up. Only because I know he may or may not go. It makes me worry all over again.These shows take place on a monthly basis in London. I live here in the US. Do I need to be more assertive in my communication to him regarding these fears of mine? Do I need to have him make a choice?Or is it possible that I am wrong about this and I need to be taught how to accept this as a common behaviour for men and the consequent of how it affects me? I would appreciate a definitive answer. Thank you very much.