Dear Dr. LoveMy brother is 22 years old and he lives in the U. S. He has been going out for 6 months with a girl. About 2 days ago my brother found out that she was dating another guy while in Canada (where she is currently living) and has a long term love relatiuonship with him too!She was actually sending this other guy in canada the same emails she sends my brother and says the same words to him. she talks with both guys about marriage at the same time. my brother also found out that she was sexually abused by her older brother as a child and was on therapy at the age of 15 .I am worried now because i have a feeling that she is suicidal and might kill herself especially now that both her boyfriends have left her . my question is : should we do something about it and tell her parents what she’s done or should we just leave her alone because she is a cheater?
I understand your impulse to punish this girl who behaved so miserably. This girl is very disturbed and filled with hate for men. The hatred probably originated with her brother who abused her, and now she is taking her hate out on boyfriends by treating them like objects that she uses and abuses, just the way she felt used and abused by her brother.What she is actually doing is projecting the poison inside her–the feeling of being hurt and angry over having been victimized–onto other, unsuspecting men. This is kind of like a psychological purge. But, believe me, she is never going to heal herself this way.Your question is, should you tell her parents that you suspect that she is suicidal?If you really believe that she is at risk, then you have a moral obligation to do so. You could either call her parents or notify the local social service department. Even though she behaved badly, you need to see the damaged person that lives behind her bad deeds. That person is in terrible trouble and needs help. The kind of help that she hasn’t gotten so far.I am thinking that if you tell her parents what she did, including the information about the two-timing, you may actually achieve two ends at the same time. When her parents confront her with the information, she will become angry, and the anger will serve as an anti-depressant, which will lessen her suicidal tendencies. The second benefit of your telling will be that they may find her a different therapist.Good luck to your brother and I hope that he heals quickly from the betrayal.
