Dear Dr. Love,Well this is a problem which I really need help with! Me and my husband have been married for 9 months and we’ve only seen each other a total of at least 30 days in this time period. A couple of days after our weeding he left for Marine bootcamp. We had a child while he was away. Well he says he loves me dearly and God only knows that I adore him. But problem is, is that while he was away he made friends with a female and whenever I called him she would answer his phone.Well after they graduated from school he brought her home with him and she is two months pregnate. (We ‘re 18 and 19). My friends say that the baby might be his. Oh and another thing he never talks to me anymore. He gets upset if I talk to my two best friends and yet they are the only one’s that he is able to talk to. Yet they are not allowed to tell me what he says. Our marriage is falling apart because of these facts. I need help how do I keep this marriage alive. We are always fighting, and know that he’s here for a while we can’t have anytime alone. We ‘re staying at his parents house, and when they leave they leave the baby my friends have offered to watch her but he dosn’t want to be left alone with me. Why???Thank you for helping, Totally confused and lost
You asked why your husband doesn’t want to be alone with you. Two possibilities: either he fears the closeness; or he fears the feelings that will arise in himself when he’s alone with (guilt, shame, anger. ) Or, we may be dealing with a combination of both.I think you know that your marriage is in deep trouble. And, I am concerned that if you don’t start couples counseling right away, that I will see you in divorce court. You have a husband who seems terrified of intimacy. As soon as you married, he took off to boot camp. And, now that he’s back, he keeps you at arm’s distance by avoiding you or pushing you away with fighting.You need to talk with a third party to figure out this mess. If you like, you both can put a call in to me, and I will help you understand why this relationship is derailing, and see if we can get it back on track (if it ever was on track. ) Hang in there. This is not easy to go through.
