Hi,I’ve been caught up in a horrible cycle of dating the same two men both of whom I was friends with before dating. I spent most of the last 8 years dating or living with Chris and during our short break-ups I’ve dated David.I began my relationship with Chris about 9 years ago while I was in college and shared a wonderful group of friends together. While dating, he dropped out of college but continued to be a wonderful, supportive boyfriend who worked really hard at his job and would do anything for me.David and I attended college together and during my senior year, I began the cycle by breaking up with Chris and dating David who was always actively pursuing me. I liked David because he seemed to be more like me and wanted to pursue a successful career and travel. After a couple of months, I became bored with dating David and wanted to go back to Chris.Since college, I have done this about three times. . . I stay with Chris for about two years and then with David about four months. I’m fully aware of how lucky I am to have two, wonderful guys love me so much that they will go back out with me time and time again.It seems like I am in a great position but I’m miserable when I think of not being with the other person. I have spent the most time with Chris and I am more content with him than with David. I think I associate David with adventure. I’m currently with David and the same cycle is happening again. . . I’m miserable and all I can think about is Chris.Chris and I haven’t talked in one year and we continue to share the same circle of friends but not at the same time. I feel like I can’t move forward with either of them b/c I’m always feeling guilty that I’m not with the other. I love them both but feel like I love Chris more.Chris said that he will not be involved with me again and I believe him but wonder if he would change his mind. But, even if I was so lucky to get another chance, I still don’t know if I would be happy. . .I am never satisfied. I feel like I’m running on a treadmill and going nowhere in my life but to a sea of regret. I’m desperately trying to figure out what my problem is so I can be happy and satisfied.I’ve been going to counseling for over a year. My counselor has recently suggested that maybe the only way for me to stop feeling this way is to get out of the situation with both of them forever.Do you have any idea what may be wrong with me? Do you agree with my counselor?
You are in a bind. Let’s break this down. A month after Rania said that she wanted to stay friends, you fell madly in love with her best friend. Now that you are with someone else, Rania wants you. As a result, you are torn between your girlfriend and Rania.I wonder if it’s possible that you developed feelings for Rania ‘s best friend as a way of staying close to Rania after she refused you. In other words, do you really love this other girl or did you choose her as a standby for Rania?If you think that you really do love this other girl for who she is, and not as a substitute for Rania, then you are going to need to make a hard decision. Do you want to give up a loving relationship and tke a chance with Rania? What do you risk in doing this? Is it possible that Rania only wants you because you are taken?Nobody can tell you what to do. You need to soul search and ask yourself the hard questions I posed above. When you know your heart completely, you will be in a better position to make the right decision.
