Dr. Love,I am probably way past the point of advice but thought that I would give it a try anyways. I have been married for over 20 years. I had been a faithful spouse up until one year ago. Then I started a relationship with a woman about half my age. We just seemed to click and surprisingly have a lot in common (despite the age disparity).A few months ago, my wife found out about the affair and was devastated but our relationship has been better than it has been in years since. Another twist is that we have recently found out that my girlfriend is expecting my child in about 6 months.I really love both of these women and have been in a quandary (religious and personal) for months. Can you offer any advice other than a bullet?
You are going to need to bite the bullet and decide whether you want to stay with your wife or not. You say the relationship has been better than it has been for many years, but you didn’t say that you want to stay with her.Since you say that you love both women, you are in a terrible bind. In the end, you are going to need to decide what is best for you. This decision shouldn’t be driven by guilt or shoulds.Your decision should derive from the part of the self that is called the ego. All decisions ideally should stem from that part of the self. You know that the ego is speaking when you hear yourself say, ‘I want x, y, or z.’So ask yourself what you want and then follow what your ego says. You sound like a man of conscience and I am sure that you will do right by your wife, if you decide to leave her, and/or right by your girlfriend and the child, if you decide that you aren’t going to make a life with her.