Hello, I’ve been with the same guy for 4 and a half years and I want to know where it’s going. I feel like he treats it as him and then me, no WE.We don’t talk about marriage or anything. He just bought a house and lives alone and I’m looking for an apartment. He never talks about the future with us in mind it seems. He just talks about himself and leaves me out.I just want to know how to find out if there’s a future with ‘us’ and I don’t know how to go about finding out. I don’t want to just resort to the we need to talk and bring up the ‘where’s this relationship going’ conversation or is that what must be done.Please help.
You say that you don’t want to resort to the ‘we need to talk’ talk. You need to clarify why you hesitate. Are you afraid that he’ll be unresponsive to your wish for greater connection and that you will feel even more unwanted? Do you feel humiliated, like a beggar, to have to bring the talk up?When you are clear on the feeling behind your objection to even have the talk, then use this feeling as the opener for your communication. By starting in this way, you are not actually tackling the subject head; you are talking about both of your blocks to addressing the subject in a progressive discussion on the subject. Doing this should help you to open the discussion so that you can go to the next level and find out what the resistance is to taking the relationship to the next step.Here’s how you would go about doing what I suggest. You might say, ‘Why do I feel like I’m going to be blown off (or whatever you do feel) if I bring up the subject of us?’ If the guy is still reluctant to talk to you, then come back to my site and read my articles on fear of intimacy, fear of commitment so that you can get a handle on what is blocking him as well as what keeps you hooked to a guy who can’t deliver what you want.Good luck.
