There is a girl at work and we knew each other for months but never talked. I never talk to anyone cause of my anxiety. I only ask people for help when I have to. Everything was fine. I always thought she was kinda cool and cute but I knew that I have anxiety so I never bothered talking to her.
One day I asked her for help but kinda anxious looking in her eyes and I think it bothered her so I did. And that day I had to ask her for help many times and she always was happy about it, while usually people kinda emotionless with me. That day she was very nice and was doing funny things and even called me bestie.
We never spend that much time together and next days I kinda wanted to interact with her more. I’ve never had a person so nice to me. And she is super positive and super cool. I have social anxiety so I have difficulty just talking to her and she never talks to me either while she is not helping me.
I’ve made an cartoon drawing of her and for weeks was anxious to show her. I felt it was kinda weird of me to do because we weren’t that close after all. I was ruminating about this for weeks literally making me overly anxious to be around her and one day I just showed her and she liked it. She said that she was glad I did and I shouldn’t have been shy about it.
The next days became extremely awkward for me because we still weren’t talking and I thought she as a social one would just talk to me. She did look at me a lot since then and I kinda felt very uncomfortable making eye contact and since then I couldn’t be around her, though she didn’t do anything wrong. I was feeling very awkward every time around her feeling I have to say something but it was weeks since I showed her the art and we never spoke since, and I had no reason to ask her for help and was very anxious to talk to her. She started paying me more attention which made me awkward.
One day I had to ask her for help and she was usual super positive self and she even sorta curtsy bowed me. Which was very sweet. I kinda thought she didn’t find my awkwardness any weird after all.
But I’m still hella anxious around her. We never talk, ever. We often have weird eye contact and I even avoid her sometimes. But when I ask for her help she is ultra positive and curtsying with me.
I kinda do like her as a girl but I feel like she is better as friend but any way I can’t talk yo her cause I’m anxious and sometimes I feel like she really wants me to talk to her but I always super anxious and awkward around her.
Sometimes I think she is just nice person and doesn’t think anything of me. Cause she literally never tried to talk to me she always reacts to me in a super positive and nice way. She often talks to other coworkers while I’m super anxious to talk to anyone and one more thing she is too positive so sometimes I think she is just acting nice cause she wants positive work environment. I kinda feel like she will like everything I would do but I would never know if she actually likes it.
I think I am overthinking too much and I should just talk to her but I think she sees how awkward I am and I feel not confident about talking to her. To clarify she never was not positive and nice to me while we were actually talking but we can just spend a week never talking and never even smiling or say hi. But when I ask her for help she is super nice.
What should I do?
My heart goes out to you. I can feel your anxiety leaping through the screen.
I sense that you would really like to be closer to this girl, but you are not sure if she likes you or if she’s just being friendly to create a positive work environment and to help you perform your job.
I understand that you would like to have more of a connection with her but you are terrified to take the risk of making a more direct overture and face rejection.
Your anxiety causes you to focus inward on your own thoughts and this makes it hard for you to focus on her. Being caught in your own emotional net makes you blind to the signs that she is sending you. She has given you several signs (what I call Green Lights) that she has positive feelings for you.
What are her Green Lights? She responded positively to your cartoon. And she encouraged you to not feel shy about it. This response is a clear Green Light. If she had no interest, she would have politely thanked you and walked away.
Her body language is another Green Light. She has made eye contact with you, which is an invitation for you to come closer to her. The curtseying she did more than once is also a playful, receptive behavior. A co-worker wouldn’t act this way if she didn’t feel a pull to you.
She sounds old-fashioned. She has encouraged you, and the ball is in your court.
The real obstacle is your social anxiety. You have a clear terror of being rejected. There are certainly causes for the anxiety that trace all the way back to your early life. I suspect someone rejected or abandoned you when you were young. Or, perhaps, someone mistreated you and tore down your self-esteem. However, I sense that even when you identify the origin of your fears, I do not feel that talking therapy will be sufficient to resolve your terror.
Many people take drugs to manage anxiety. I am not in favor of this approach. Anti-anxiety drugs are across-the-board addictive and cause rebound anxiety when you try to get off of them.
There is another way.
There is a great deal of research that proves social anxiety is due to low cellular magnesium levels. And supplementing with magnesium reverses the underlying chemical imbalance that causes the anxiety.
I want you to immediately read my latest book If You Think You Don’t Have PTSD: Think Again: The First Research-Backed, Drug-Free Remedy for the Global PTSD Pandemic Stress Syndrome™. The book goes into great detail on all the conditions that are caused by low magnesium.
You will be surprised to discover that magnesium is needed in over 1040 enzymatic functions in the body; all it takes is one accident, one stress or one illness for the body to lose ALL its magnesium stores; that most diseases and conditions are the result of low magnesium; blood tests are not an accurate measure of magnesium cellular levels; and, last but not least, oral magnesium at a medicinal dose is likely to cause gastric disturbances. For this reason, I recommend Elektra Magnesium, which is applied to your skin and instantly goes to work. I repeatedly say that I don’t sell Elektra. I am not a distributor and I don’t receive commissions. I simply recommend it as a public service in support of my healing mission.
I have used Elektra on workshop patients who were in the throes of full-blown panic attacks, and they calmed down immediately. Magnesium is a central nervous system tranquilizer and you desperately it.
You can buy the Spritz oil (the strongest form) from the Elektra’s Amazon store. They will be adding more products to Amazon in the near future.
You will want to use 21 sprays per day in 3 divided doses. You can use as much as you like since you cannot overdose on magnesium that is administered via skin. The key is to have enough magnesium on board before you face a stressful situation, in order to prevent another episode of magnesium depletion. In this way, your body can draw upon the magnesium reserves and prevent you from becoming stressed out. It can take up to 2 years to fully replenish your cellular magnesium levels.
I suggest you spray yourself, then when you feel calm, go talk to her! You are going to feel calmer right away and this will make it easier for you to reach out to her. Then, when you have success, you will feel more confident to keep on going!
Please let me know how you make out with her. I have high hopes for you.