I am a 33 years old man that has been married for 11 years to a wonderful woman. My problem is that for the majority of our marriage I have had problems expressing my emotions and being intimate with her. Because of this I haven’t been able to be there for her emotionally when she needs me, in fact it caused me to shutdown and in some cases resent her.I tried many times to tell her how I feel, or be there for her, but I always seemed to do it all wrong. My attempts at expression would always come out as criticisms and sometimes even personal attacks. Everytime this occured I would feel so ashamed and terrible about myself for hurting her.After awhile I just shutdown for the most part, too afraid to speak for fear of saying something I didn’t mean and hurting her again. This of course upset her even more since to her it seemed as if I was pulling away from her.We have gone through two seperations now and on this last one she told me she doesn’t love me anymore. The only reason I know my mistakes is because I have read almost every relationship book in the bookstore to understand myself and what went wrong.One book I read spoke of the ‘Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse’ in communication, criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. I went through everyone of them unknowingly. My other problem is that I don’t think I truely knew what empathy meant until just recently, much less express it.After reading and absorbing all this information I feel as if all the lights in the house just went on for me, it has opened so many blocked doors inside me. I desperatley want us to work this out and tried to talk with her but she has told me that she has already gone through these emotions and is not able to trust me with her emotional needs any longer.I have asked her if she would go to counceling with me but she refused. We have 3 children together and are on friendly terms, we can talk casually ok, but it is killing me to see her multiple times a week when I come for the kids and not be able to reach out to her.Is there anything I can do to regain that trust with her and prove that I am the person she needs, and can trust in, with her emotions again?