Dear dr. turndorf, i have been meeting this guy for about 4 months now. . . we began kissing last time, . . . i got afraid and stopped him because i was afraid that the kissing would lead to sex. . .i do not know why but i fear sex greatly. . . i want to have it badly, but i truly fear it what can i do?
The terror you describe is called signal anxiety, which arises when the unconscious part of the brain believes that the self is in danger. You need to figure out what your brain thinks is dangerous about the sexual act.There are many reasons why a person might be terrified to have sex. I will give you a list of the most common reasons for such fear and you can see which one(s) apply. One common cause of terror at the prospect of having sex is prior sexual abuse.You may also fear the various outcomes of the act itself. For example, you might be afraid of becoming pregnant; you also might be afraid that giving over your body will make you fall deeper in love with your partner. Loving and losing are practically synonymous.In other words, the more we love, the more we fear losing our beloved. If you have unresolved abandonment issues, then you would be afraid to get too close since you would suffer that much more when your lover dumps you.I have given you the various options to explore. When you identify the cause of your fear, then you can take steps to heal it through therapy.
