Sorry for the long sob story, really dont know what to say.

Currently am in Uni residence, I have the misfortune of being almost in love with one of my flatmates.

She is a virgin, having never even had a relationship before (I have had a few, but have never caught feelings unlike this time). She is also a very affectionate person, she will just randomly cling onto you, but she doesn’t think much of it, she does this to everyone.

We had some sort of a relationship for about 2 weeks, amidst her trying to understand her feelings and decide if she likes me, we didn’t do very much sexually, and I ended up having to break it off because it was clear she didn’t have any relationshippy-feelings for me, leaving me to do all of the mental heavy lifting to the point where i couldn’t take it.

After that we stayed friends, but she would still cling onto me, and mostly me, saying that she feels the most comfortable around me because (in short) we’ve basically had sex.
After getting drunk one night she basically started acting like a real girlfriend to me, really close to me, wanting to be with me, comforting look in her eyes.
We got home, sobered up and slept together, this time felt more real though, like she actually really cared about me….. after though, she’s gone slightly curt, and is seemingly trying to distance herself from me emotionally and physically.

My flatmates are constantly making jokes about it, but on a more serious note they are starting to feel bad for us, me for being toyed with, and her for not knowing what she feels.

I really want a relationship with her, she has demonstrated clearly she can meet me half way.
It does feel like she likes me, and could be with me, but mentally she’s stopping herself, or she’s scared of something.

I just don’t know what to do, is she just playing mind games with me? Am I just overthinking things?
It’s driving me insane how she emotionally comes and goes, to the point it leaves me awake all night almost in tears….

Dr Jamie Turndorf Answered question December 15, 2022