I’ve liked this girl for about 9 months now but haven’t told her because #1 her brother is my best friend, #2 she’s in a family of 9 kids who I see every week, #3 she’s 16 and I’m 21. Why I don’t tell her is because I don’t want to freak her out. I’ve been known to do that. And I don’t want to lose a best friend over it.I feel she can do better then me but then again I always feel like that. She’s almost out of high school. (She’s been home schooled) and she started college at age 14 and almost out of college as well. I’ve never been to college and not doing well with work so I don’t think I can support a family.I wouldn’t be surprised if she knew I liked her, she’s almost the smartest one in her family, and that ‘s no joke. We hangout a lot but like I said before her brother and I are best friends. She a tomboy and always hanging out with her brother. There always coming over to play my xbox, or we all go to see movies, est.I don’t know how or if I should tell her or anyone else that I like her or if I should just shut up and try to move on. I would like to know what I should do and how I should go about doing it. Can you help?Should I Tell Her I Like Her or Just Shut up and Move on?
The first thing that jumps out at me is how very low your self esteem is. If you think that you are so unworthy of being loved you are sending out vibes that literally ‘slime’ yourself. No one is going to want to be with you so long as you loathe yourself as you do.The real issue is how you can feel better about yourself. When you do, your entire life will change, you will do better at work, and women will want you. Improving self esteem doesn’t happen by magic.The best way to achieve this goal is to begin group therapy. In group you will connect to people who will love you just as you are. When they love you, you will start to love yourself. At the same time, group members will point out behaviors you are engaging in that defeat you, make you fail, and turn people off to you. This feedback will be invaluable to you.I will be starting online group therapy–hopefully–in the near future. I would love to see you join one of my groups.As for your pressing question about whether or not you should ask her out. Since you believe that she can do better than you, I don’t imagine that your chances will be too good with her, at least not yet. Since you sense that she already knows that you like her, have you gotten any green lights from her indicating that she would be interested in dating you. Green lights include: smiles, open, approachable body language, and so on. If you aren’t getting green lights, then asking her out would be an exercise in futility.You also need to assess the risks associated with asking her out. You said that you thought that you might lose your best friend (her brother). It’s not clear why you think this, but since this is a fear of yours, you must have a reason to believe that this could happen. You could explore your fear without actually asking her out by asking her brother if he would stop being your friend if he found out that you liked his sister? Testing the waters before you actually ask her out is a good way to protect yourself against your worst fear coming true.As for your other fear that you would freak her out if you asked her out, you need to find out more about why this has happened to you in the past. Again, feedback from group members will help you on this score.You could also use with her the same exploratory technique that I suggested that you use with her brother. You could say, ‘Why do I get the sense that you would freak out if you knew that I liked you?’ Asking this question is almost the same as actually declaring that you like her, so don’t be too quick to ask the question unless you are prepared for any outcome including freaking her out and/or losing her brother ‘s friendship.Let me know how you make out. You sound like a nice guy who doesn’t appreciate his good qualities, which include sensitivity and a real ability to care.
