You said something interesting in your reply to someone in your weekly sex question. In it you said ‘form a loving connection with your therapist and use this relationship as your model for your next relationship with a man. ‘I have had three years of therapy to help me get out of an abusive marriage of over 25 years and while it did achieve this goal I never felt this kind of connection with my therapist. I wonder if the problem was with me, that I am unable to form that kind of close connection with anyone or that maybe though my therapist was effective I could have done so much better had I found one I was able to completely trust and open myself up to.So I guess I am asking if it would be a good idea to get into therapy again with a different therapist hoping to find one I can connect with. I was raised in a very chaotic alcoholic home and am only now in my 50’s attempting to form close relationships.
What a great question. I wouldn’t assume that you are incapable of connection. I’d be more inclined to think that your therapist just wasn’t trained to make the kind of emotional connection I’m talking about.In fact, most therapists talk about your life outside the therapy office, but they don’t consider the relationship inside the office, the connection between the two of you that ‘s the most important thing. All your problems come to life in your relationship with your therapist and if your therapist is properly trained, he or she can use the relationship you have together to heal you.This kind of therapy is called modern psychoanalysis. This is the kind of work that I do and it sounds like this is very appealing to you. You can try to find someone who is trained in this way in your area. However, if you aren’t from a large metropolitan area, then such a person will be difficult to find.Another alternative is to work by phone. I have patients who work with me in this way and it’s surprisingly effective! Contact me again and I’ll do my best to help you begin this journey.
