I had a relationship with a girl 10 years my junior for 2 1/2 years.We split and due to our stubborness we never appologized and drifted apart.About 6 months after we split she met her boyfriend who was her first love when she was 14 for 4/5 years. She started a relationship with him again. In the 1st year she contacted me, when she had been drinking, and we spent the night together when he was away.A year later they split and again we got together (she contacted me and also sent emails, when she had been drinking, saying how much she loved me and felt safe with me).She returned back to her 1st love and then recently she spent the night at my place after bumping into me when she had been drinking.Now she is engaged to him. She stated when she had been drinking how much I hurt her when we split and that I broke her heart.We only argued once and we split as neither of us apologized to each other and yet she seems to argue with him all the time and also has been violent to him. What do I do as she is due to get married soon?I think that she still has issues inside herself with me?
I think the issue here isn’t whether she has issues inside herself, but whether you have issues inside herself.I think that you aren’t admitting to yourself that you still care for her; that you don’t want her marrying this other man!First you need to become clear on what YOU think and feel and what YOU want. If I am correct, you want her back. If this is true, then you are going to want to talk to her before she marries.The two of you are clearly drawn to each other. Why else do you both keep returning to each other? You both would need to explore what your actions are telling each other. Is she hoping that things will be different between the two of you?Does she come to you as a way of escaping the anger she feels toward her fiancee ? Are you both standing on ceremony waiting for the other to apologize? There is far too much that isn’t being said.I also notice that she seems to be engaged in the same pattern that existed in your relationship. She fights with her fiancee and then comes to you when she’s angry and under the influence of alcohol.I have to wonder whether she’s coming back to you because she wants to be with you or whether she’s using you to get back at her fiancee. Or is she coming back to you because she’s hoping to resolve her anger towards you?She admitted that she still harbors feelings over what happened between the two of you. Is she hoping you’ll apologize and ask her to come back to you? Again, you both need to be honest and talk to each other.If she decides to come back to you, you are both going to need to do a lot of work on how you handle your anger. You both need to learn to talk, listen and understand each other. Otherwise, even if you do get back together, you will find yourselves back in the same mess that you’re in right now!If you want to learn all the details about how to handle anger properly, read my book. It’s now available as an ebook (it’s part of everyone’s Action Plan, so create yours and start reading the book and putting my techniques into practice ASAP!)I hope that you both get working on this. It’s the only way for you to salvage your love.
