My girlfriend and I are in love but we are having problems. A few months back I was intersted in one of her close friends but not a whole lot happened. But my girlfriend now is having trouble with that. She has a huge problem with that cause she is constantly thinking about me and her friend together.I think she has been comparing herself to her friend and thinks about me being sexually attracted to her friend. My girlfriend and I are very much in love but she is so often thinking about this that the only thing that she can think of doing is for us to break up. She also has trouble trusting but she can’t trust anyone because of past incidents.I need to know what I can do to get her to trust me, to get her to stop thinking about this friend scenario and to get her to open up and talk to me. She feels that she is unfair to me and wants me to break up with her and find someone else better. But I really do not want to seperate from her and I don’t think she does either.I need help.
Your girlfriend’s lack of trust dates back to long before you both were together. I think that her obsession about your being more attracted to her friend is all a symptom of a deep feeling of being inadequate and unloveable. Beneath that feeling is the fear that you are going to dump her, because she isn’t worthy of being loved.So, when she talks about breaking up with you, she is unconsciously arranging to die by her own sword–to end it before you dump her. The only thing you can do is help her to identify the source of her fear. You can tell her what I said and encourage her to talk about her past hurts with you.Have her talk about who let her down in her first family. Who made her feel unloved. Who rejected her. Unfortunately, you can’t say or do anything to make her trust you. You can remind her all you want that you love her and won’t leave her. But she is so wounded and traumatized that, I’m afraid, therapy will be necessary in order for her to work all this through.
