Hello Dr. Turndof. . . I’ll try to make this short. A female friend of two years recently expressed that she has ALWAYS had feelings for me. I too have always felt something for her.However, she is very immature and embarrassing in public (putting her feet on the table, yelling, eating like a 3 year old, when she is almost 16). She also dresses a bit less conservatively than I would like. . .However, I do not want to change her, and I expressed this to her. We had a long talk and she was incredibly mature and understands my position. I’m dying here because I am starting to feel something I can’t explain when I look at her, or when she hugs me.Last night was incredibly emotional when we talked, and when she hugged me, I forced myself to pull away before I would cry. I want to be with her so badly, but I cannot put up with her immature actions in public and in school.What should I do??
You stated your position very clearly.You’re conflicted because you like this girl but can’t tolerate her behavior. Her infantile and self-indulgent behavior is cause for alarm. The fact that she gives herself license to behave improperly in public, tells you that she would give herself license to misbehave in private as well.If she isn’t willing to control her impulses, then you have reason to be hesitant to form an intimate relationship with her. This type of self-indulgent behavior will surely bite you.When she becomes angry with you, she may haul off and slug you or engage in some other inappropriate action. Before having a relationship with her, you need to know that she is working on developing impulse control.
