Approximately 13 or 14 weeks ago I had surgery, a total hysterectomy due to no iron in my blood, we were not allowed to have sex for 6 to 8 weeks, I patiently waited for the 8 weeks because my partner thought this was best.Now the time has come and gone each night and I have discussed why we do not have relations. I asked him if he was afraid of hurting me, if this surgery caused a problem but I still have not been able to diagnose the problem.Is there anything I can do to create or solve the problem. I am at a loss, our sex life was great before the surgery. In fact we had sex almost everynight except the nights when I had my period. Please help!
In studying the information you present, here’s what I see. You had sex every night prior to the surgery, except when you had your period. That’s a high frequency of sex, and I would have to wonder if he had a reluctance to perform that often. Believe it or not, many men do.It is a tremendous burden to have to rise to the occasion on such a regular basis. He may have felt tired or pressured, and your operation may have given him a welcome hiatus from the pressure of having to perform.My suspicion is supported by the fact that he himself suggested waiting the full eight weeks to resume sex, meaning that he was looking for as long a break as possible. And, now that you can have sex, he still isn’t jumping back in the saddle.When you speak again with him, I would go for the angle that he may have felt pressured to perform more often than he wanted. See where that leads. I’ll bet you will get an affirmative on that one. You may also find that he felt uncomfortable to say no, either for fear of disappointing you, or out of fear of looking like less than a man.Give him lots of room in the discussion to own all his feelings without reproach from you. If he admits that he was feeling pressured, then reassure him that you will still love him even if he wants less frequent sex.I would also point out that your sex life seems to be either feast or famine, with no in between. I would ask for his thoughts on that point. Then, I would ask him if he wants to work at finding a middle ground. Once you get him talking about his real feelings, you will be on the path to a solution that includes more regular sex.