Dear Dr. Love,Help – I am an adult woman who has had boyfriends, dates, etc. When it comes to someone I find myself attracted to I do not know what to do. Instance, where I workout, there is someone I’m attracted to. We say hi (he works there), smile, but I can never do more when it is someone I’m interested in & want to get to know.Sounds really nuts I know but I just have a real hard time taking the next step. Mostly, I guess because if he’s not interested I don’t want to look or feel stupid. Any advice?
It is normal to be frighted to approach a man that you’re interested in. If you weren’t nervous, you’d be strange. You need to realize that, in spite of being nervous, you don’t need to remain frozen in place. You can still make a move, nerves and all. A good way to approach any man is with a compliment. (All humans love to be valued, and according to research, we are drawn to people who tell us positive things about ourselves. )So, instead of focusing on yourself, focus on the man you’re interested in. Take note of something positive about him and then simply communicate your observation. For example, when you’re in the gym, you might say, ‘I noticed how well-positioned your upper torso is when you do the lat. pull-downs. ‘ All you need is that one, ice breaker, and you will be off and running.Once the conversation has begun, one thing will lead to another. In fact, it is the woman who signals her interest and availability, and then and only then, according to research, do most guys take it from there. I know that deep-down you’re afraid that this man you have your eye one won’t be interested in you. This is a normal fear.But, keep in mind, when you approach a man in the way I said, you are not sticking your neck out so that he can chop off your head. And, if the worst case scenario comes true and he’s not interested, you will have given someone a compliment, but won’t have egg on your face. You may be disappointed, but you won’t be humiliated. Give it a try and promise that you will let me know what happens.
